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Finding Her Voice:

A Parent's Story

by Jill Friedbauer

Our weekly parenting group
meeting was rolling along as it
usually did—chit-chat, joking,
complaining, noshing —when my
phone rang, and I immediately
excused myself to speak in private.
It was our daughter Racheli’s arms. It took several months, but slowly as the year went on Racheli
genetic counselor, and she had began speaking in a soft whisper, and then progressed to speaking
news that changed everything for in a loud whisper where the teachers were finally able to fully
us in an instant.
communicate with her. That first year at SINAI, Racheli didn’t stop
I struggled to take in the information smiling…then giggling…and then laughing her contagious laugh.
that she was telling me: that our The following September, Racheli’s teachers were in for a big surprise!
Jill and Racheli with their dog Coco 9-month old daughter had extra She walked into school on the first day speaking in her full voice,
information on one chromosome something none of them had ever heard. Her teachers from the
and was missing information on another; that as far as the experts previous year would quietly listen by the door to capture the voice and
knew, Racheli was the only one in the world with this exact genetic giggle of the little girl who could barely whisper only a year before. As
make-up, a fluke rather than something she inherited from us; that she time passed, Racheli’s confidence grew, and she blossomed into the
was one in a million—actually, more like 1 in 7.5 billion. The genetic role of mayor of the classroom, always aware of the classroom
counselor explained that the doctors did not have much definitive happenings, always concerned for others. She was the one to remind
information in our case, but they could offer us lots of “maybes.” Maybe the teachers who was in need of a sticker reward, to help her classmates
Racheli would have difficulty learning or developmental delays, maybe find lost objects, to keep the peace between friends who were arguing.
a growth disorder, heart defects or visual deficits, and maybe more…
but they couldn’t be sure. As I hung up, lonely thoughts permeated my Racheli had found her voice.
mind; our daughter’s future was unknown. Swirling with fears and It delighted us all that over time, new classroom goals had to be put in
questions, I walked back to my parenting group, and at that moment, place to modulate her now passionate and outspoken voice! She was
I felt like an outsider. My social outlet suddenly seemed to be of a building friendships and having playdates regularly, progressing in
different world. math, reading English and Hebrew, davening from a siddur, and
Over the next two years, our home would become a revolving door of reminding everyone “not to speak lashon hara because it will hurt your
therapists: feeding specialists, speech therapists, OT’s, PT’s and play neshama.” The girl who finally had found her voice had become so
therapists. Eager to be a big girl like her brothers, at three years old, careful with her speech, never wanting to hurt anyone else’s feelings.
Racheli was off to public school to learn her letters, numbers and Racheli is now in her 5th year at
hopefully make friends. But we soon discovered a new big problem: SINAI and 11 years old. When it came
Racheli had selective mutism. She did not speak in school. Selective time to start thinking about her Bat
mutism is a severe anxiety disorder where a person is unable to speak Mitzvah, we decided to learn some-
in certain social situations, such as with classmates at school or to thing special together. What an
relatives they do not see very often. While we had been prepared for incredible hasgacha prati moment,
several medical conditions Racheli might develop, selective mutism a direct message from HaKadosh
was not on the list. B”H, to discover that Racheli shares
Racheli continued in the special education program in our local public a birthday with the Chofetz Chaim.
school, but over the years, school became more and more challenging Our unique, loving, kind daughter,
for her; the selective mutism was preventing her from learning and Racheli with her parents and older who lived most of her life without
brothers Eli and Gavi
developing friendships. Time was going by, and Racheli still was not speaking, who now is so sensitive
reading and could barely do math. Because our daughter was so quiet not to speak lashon hara, shares her birthday with this great man, who
and agreeable, her needs were ignored by the teachers, as their energy is most known for his works on the laws of proper speech.
was dedicated to managing the disruptive kids in the class. One day And so, she and I are learning the works of the Chofetz Chaim together
my husband Levi picked Racheli up from school and found her sitting for her Bat Mitzvah. While our journey is never over and we know we
alone during gym, ignored by the teachers and her peers. My heart will continue to have lots of challenges to overcome, the child who
ached. It became clear that Racheli was suffering and we needed to once could not speak asks to learn, and is able to learn with me.
make a change. We were desperate to move Racheli to a school that
would be more adept to educate her, help her interact with her peers, None of this would have been possible without all the love, support,
and give her the love and attention that she deserved. How incredibly and guidance of all the teachers, therapists and staff at SINAI, who
grateful we were the day we were introduced to SINAI Schools. helped transform Racheli from a whisper to a girl who found her voice.
From the moment Racheli entered SINAI School at RYNJ in second Jill lives in Teaneck with her beautiful family: Racheli, two older brothers who go to
grade, we felt that we had entered a family. It was as if Racheli had a TABC, and her partner in life and husband of 20 years, Levi. She is a physical therapist
community of aunts and bubbies and friendly next door neighbors and national board certified health and wellness coach, and thanks Hashem for all
acting as her teachers, loving her and welcoming her with open the amazing ways Racheli will continue to use her voice in the future!