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Coming Full Circle:

A Sibling's Story

by Leah Commer

For as long as I can remember, I knew my often his translator, and I frequently felt that I
brother wasn’t like other kids his age. There was had to defend or explain him to outsiders.
something very special but different about him. Growing up, a lot of my parents’ focus was on
Avi is only 20 months younger than me, but as I Avi, which I understand now, but it was often
grew and matured, he lagged behind. Even so, hard for me when I was younger. I was envious
we were always very close: goofy, sweet Avi and of the attention my brother received from our
his protective older sister.
parents, and sometimes frustrated by the
It was always hard to understand what Avi was responsibilities being his sister carried.
trying to say, and he was diagnosed as learning
disabled with a speech impediment very early And then, as the years went on, I realized that I
on. I was pretty good at school, but Avi wanted to go into a field that could help kids
struggled to sit still, and to do even basic work. like my brother. I got a degree in speech
35 years ago, the concept of “special needs” pathology and audiology, and a masters in
wasn’t on people’s radar, unless they were Leah and Avi today special education, and found my first job at the
specialists. Few programs existed, and kids who NYC Board of Education.
learned or acted differently were often ignored or even hidden. I Many years ago, when I got married, Avi started talking about how he
didn’t realize until many years later how blessed we were that a new also wanted to get married one day. He didn’t have anyone in mind,
program had been established a few years earlier for children like Avi but he wanted to follow my lead, just as he had when we were
who couldn’t learn in a regular school setting. The little program he children. It was hard to hear him dream like that, because we didn’t
joined had been created by forward thinking individuals who think it was possible, or realistic.
believed that children with special needs deserved not only an And then…two years ago, Avi met his bashert, Shlomit. And who
education that could meet their needs, but a Jewish education as would have ever dreamed it, but she had also gone to SINAI—
well. These were the early days of what today is known as SINAI granted, several years after him, but still! Who could have imagined?!
Schools.
One of the most important things about school for Avi was that at
SINAI he was part of the greater school community. Because SINAI
was incorporated into the mainstream Joseph Kushner Hebrew
Academy (then known as HYA), he spent his days surrounded by
“normal” children, playing with them at recess, eating lunch together,
and feeling like a normal kid.
But…he really wasn’t like other kids. He looked like everyone else,
and he learned to play the part well, but as soon as he started to
speak, people would realize that he had a disability. And yet, for
those children at JKHA somehow it didn’t make a difference.
Looking back on it, I realize how unusual that was for the time.
My friends would come over, and they included him in whatever we Avi and Shlomit, a joyous couple
were doing. As we both entered our high school years Avi moved to
SINAI at TABC. Once again, the Avi and Shlomit just celebrated their first anniversary, and they are an
environment was one of awesome couple. Avi has a job at a local pizza store, Shlomit works at
belonging, and the TABC boys a bridal shop, they live independently—and none of us could have
always included him in their imagined these possibilities back in the 1980’s when Avi was starting
sports activities. Somehow, he at SINAI.
always seemed to be at the Several years ago I was offered the opportunity to teach full time
center of things, and every- at SINAI at Joseph Kushner Hebrew Academy. It felt like destiny: this
where we went together, is where my brother started his journey almost 40 years ago, and here
everyone knew him. I am today.
I know I’m painting a rosy Every day in my SINAI classroom, I look into my students’ eyes and see
picture, but the truth is it wasn’t the promise that lies ahead. No matter what their challenges are, I
easy growing up in a house see bright possibilities in their futures. I know this to be true, because
with a sibling with special I have witnessed it myself. With the right guidance and support,
needs. My brother and I had a anything is possible.
special bond, and I was given
the patience to try to Leah Commer still shares a special bond with her brother Avi, and continues to show
understand what he was trying devotion and compassion to her family and friends. She can’t wait to see what great
to say. But that meant that I was Leah, Avi and their older sister Malka things her brother Avi will accomplish next.