Page 104 - Family Life Student Textbook

you made that choice. But now you will have to go to bed hungry.” If she follows through, Billy will learn not
to disobey and be purposely late next time.

Billy will then look at Dad with his pleading look that says, “Can you help me out here with this unreasonable
mother of mine?” If Dad gives in and tells Mom to give him some food, Billy will learn that he can get away
with disobedience and rely on Dad to protect him from the consequences.

But if Dad says, “Son, your Mother is correct. Because you made the decision to disobey your mom, you
have chosen to go to bed hungry this evening,” Billy will learn his lesson and become more responsible.
Mom and Dad must be consistent and support one another as one parental unit. They dare not allow the
children to divide them and use one parent against the other.

Parenting by setting boundaries and keeping your word will teach your children that there are consequences
to every decision we make. And that will prepare them for adulthood.

3) Helping your child to internalize:

If your boundary training consists only of words, you are wasting your breath. But if you “do” boundaries
with your kids, they internalize the experiences, remember them, digest them, and make them part of how
they see reality.

For instance, sometimes parents give small amounts of money to children to teach them responsibility. They
might train their children to give some to the church offering, save some, and use part of that money for
spending on something they want. On one particular week Billy decides to spend all his money on candy. At
the end of the week, a toy that Billy really wants goes on sale. But Billy has no more money left to spend. He
watches his brothers buy the toy and he wants one too. Billy pleads with his mom and dad, asking them to
give him money to buy the toy. But they remind him that he chose to spend his money on candy and that's
why he doesn't have any money to buy the toy. They can sympathize with him, but they cannot reverse the
consequences of that decision. Billy has learned an important lesson that no amount of lecturing could have
accomplished. His experience in suffering through the consequences of his decision was a very effective
teacher.

Again, we see how important consistency is in training our children. If we rescue them from the
consequences of their choices, they will learn that it is ok to make a wrong choice and get away with it.
Parents need to discuss their philosophy of raising children together privately and agree to set boundaries
and stick together to adhere to them. Be careful to not allow your children to drive a wedge between you.

Parents should also use positive reinforcement. When the child does accomplish a certain chore, there can
be some small reward the parents can give. Maybe it is an allowance for accomplishing certain chores.
Parents can put a star beside their name on the kitchen refridgerator. There are many different ways you
can reward your child, and show approval of that child's obedience in taking his responsibilities seriously. “If
you finish your homework on time I will play a game with you.”

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