Page 25 - Family Life Student Textbook

While the world sees marriage as a 50-50 contract in which you must do your part and I must do mine, this
understanding of marriage will not work. We will always find a reason to be dissatisfied with our mates’
performance. Because I feel you are not meeting my needs, I feel unloved. But it is impossible for you to
meet my expectations perfectly. And it is impossible for me to know your true intentions. So how do I know
when you have done your very best? I can’t know that. It is easy for me to conclude that you simply did not
want to meet my expectations. And then I am tempted to focus on your weaknesses and become bitter with
our marriage. Therefore, the world’s view of marriage cannot work. If we let him, Satan will happily use this
50-50 contract idea to destroy our marriages.

God’s instructions for our marriage covenant commands each person to give 100% to their mate without
any conditions. We will discuss this in further detail later.

3. Selfishness in marriage destroys oneness. (Rom. 3:10-18; 7:21-24)

Our culture today promotes and encourages selfishness. We are told to not let anyone tell us what to do.
We must take care of ourselves and protect ourselves and do what feels good to us. Therefore, we are
looking for a mate who will serve us and make us happy.

When we are selfish, giving is based upon merit-affection and is given only when one feels it is deserved. We
withhold our service and affection if we feel the other person does not deserve it. The motivation for action
is based upon how we feel.

As we reflect our disappointment and disapproval, our spouse will become fearful and feel rejected and
discouraged, resulting in an even lower performance. Our selfish nature even seeks to justify our rejection of
our spouse.

Rather than finding the right person to marry, we must be the right person to marry. Preparing ourselves to
be the best marriage partner possible is every bit as important as finding the right person to marry. But we
are led to believe that finding the right person is the most important.

4. Difficulties and trials will come, and our failure to work through them will destroys oneness.

God will allow difficulties in your life for many reasons.

James 1:2–4 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face
trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces
perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and
complete, not lacking anything”.

Many times, we do not understand that our response to the trials in our life is more
important than the trials themselves. A husband and wife’s responses to difficulty will
either drive them apart or pull them together. Unfortunately, studies show that when a
family goes through a difficult crisis, many times the marriage will end in a divorce.

5. Extramarital affairs will destroy oneness.

An extramarital affair is anything that is an escape from responsibility and commitment through a search for
fulfillment outside the marriage. An extramarital affair could be with another person, with our career,
materialism, activities, our children, and so on.
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