Page 27 - Family Life Student Textbook

Study Section 5: Natural Phases of Marriage

5.1 Connect
God created marriage to be wonderful, to meet all our needs for fellowship, love and acceptance.
But, because we live in a sinful world, marriage has become hard work. No one gets married
hoping to have severe tension and relational dysfunction in their marriage. All of us hope to
extend the honeymoon period into the rest of our marriage. Is there any hope for a good
marriage? Can we dodge the problems most other marriages experience? Today, let’s see if we can answer
these and other questions about marriage…

5.2 Objectives
1. The student should be able to describe the normal phases or stages all marriages experience.

2. The student should be able to warn others that some of these stages are disastrous, but
avoidable.

3. The student should be able to recognize the stages so we can accept the necessary ones and avoid the
damaging ones.

5.3 Natural Phases of Marriage
Married couples go through stages as their relationship develops. It is important to know what
these stages are and to be able to recognize where our relationship is.

1. Romance phase
The first stage of marriage is called the romance phase. This stage normally occurs before and
just after marriage. It is characterized by intense feelings for one another and the relationship. Before
marriage many couples are infatuated with one another. They see the other person through rose colored
glasses. By that we mean that they choose to only see and recognize the positive things they like about the
other person. They choose to overlook the bad things. Or they minimize the importance of the differences
they notice. Perhaps they believe they can change the other person in these areas, and then everything will
be fine. Other people around them can see the differences and weaknesses in that other person, but when
they try to discuss these observations, they are brushed off or minimized. Because he is infatuated with this
person, he chooses not to consider the seriousness of their differences or weaknesses. He is prepared to
accept the other person and overlook all their faults.

Both the young man and the young lady enjoy this period of romance because their attention is fully
centered upon one another. Each of them is accepting the other person and wishing for the very best. They
are overlooking differences and problems which may need to be discussed. They're hoping that potential
problems will go away or will become insignificant. At this point, it is easy for them to believe that they can
overlook almost anything.

However, we all understand that a young couple does not remain in this romance phase forever. Once
married life begins, the relationship will automatically move into the second phase. In fact, studies show
that the more passionate the romance is before the marriage begins, the more likely the relationship will
end in divorce, because this passionate romance cannot be maintained long term.

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