Page 36 - Family Life Student Textbook

A lot of our conversation during the day is probably on the cliché level, as we meet various people and want
to sound friendly. We can communicate on this level with almost everyone.
2. Fact Level (sharing what you know)

The second level of communication is called “Fact”. In this level we are willing to share simple facts with one
another. Our communication network shares the required facts in order to get a job accomplished. Or, you
might be willing to share some facts with a new friend which will help them get to know you better.

When a husband and wife share on this level, they are communicating things like schedules, lists, material
items to purchase at the store, what do buy for the children, and so on. They're sharing facts that they know
but they are not sharing any feelings.

3. Opinion Level (sharing what you think)

The 3rd level of communication is called the “Opinion” level because
at this level we began to share what we think. We share our opinions
about the facts. When you talk to strangers you are willing to reveal
certain facts. But if they asked your opinion about those facts, you
might hesitate in order to access how open you want to be with your
opinions. You might choose to share your opinions only with good
friends who have earned your trust.

When couples communicate at the opinion level, they are revealing their thoughts and desires regarding
facts and situations. They are revealing their likes and dislikes. They are reacting to situations and to each
other. They will only do this if their previous communication of opinions has been accepted rather than
being criticized. Sharing at this level requires a deeper level of trust. When someone shares their opinions,
we need to be careful to answer in a positive and understanding way. It is often tempting for us to argue
with our mates’ opinions. But if we want to encourage them to share in this deeper level, we need to be
careful to build their trust. Sharing our opinions needs to be a positive experience.

4. Emotion Level (sharing what you feel)

The 4th level of communication is called the “Emotional” level. In this level we share what we feel about
something. Sharing our feelings requires more trust then sharing our opinions.

Men are somewhat used to sharing opinions with other male friends, but seldom share their feelings. But as
we've already learned, the wife needs to share her feelings. And she needs for her husband to accept,
appreciate, and understand her feelings rather than to dismiss them or criticize them. Too many husbands
leave the room whenever their wife begins expressing deep feelings or emotions. Women constantly
encourage each other by sharing what they feel. This is how they create strong and deep bonds. Therefore,
a wife will feel very unfulfilled if her husband refuses to communicate with her on that level.

Husbands, this means that we need to become secure enough and mature enough to share our feelings with
our wife. And we need to appreciate the fact that she shares her feelings with us. Most of the time, all she
wants us to do is to understand and to accept her. It is tempting for us as men to always be looking for a
solution to every problem his wife shares with him. But that is not what she wants. She may not be looking
for a solution at all, but she just wants her husband to listen and understand her. She wants him to validate
what she feels.
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