Page 38 - Family Life Student Textbook

Proverbs 19:20 “Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted
among the wise.”

Proverbs 17:27–28 “The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever
has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent,
and discerning if they hold their tongues.”

Proverbs 29:20 “Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool
than for them.”

These are just a few of the Biblical verses which address good listening.

Deceptive listening pretends interest. When a husband nods his head or says “uh-huh” while he's reading
the newspaper or watching television, he is trying to deceive his wife into thinking he's listening when he
really isn't. But his wife is very good at analyzing whether her husband is really listening.

Selective listening tunes in only for points of interest. If a husband listens and responds to his wife only
when she talks about things that he's interested in, he is listening selectively. But when she talks about
things that are important to her, but may not be important to him, he tunes her out and does not listen.
Again. the wife will conclude that her husband is not interested in listening to her.

Protective listening does not hear threatening messages. When the husband hears his wife trying to
communicate something to him that he does not want to hear, he will stop listening. When she reminds him
that she wants him to accomplish something for her, he tries to be too busy to hear her. Often, in a conflict,
a husband will physically walk away and leave the room. He may conclude that this is the best way to
deescalate a tense conversation. But his wife concludes that he does not care enough to stay and solve the
problem together with her.

Listening involves displaying an attitude that encourages each other to share deeply. We ought to be
listening in such a way that our mate knows we are very interested in what they are saying, and which will
encourage them to share at a deep level. Unless we demonstrate good listening habits, we will not share at
a deep level.

Good listening skills ask clarifying questions with the goal of really understanding what the other person is
trying to say. Rather than assuming that we have understood, and then responding, we need to ask
clarifying questions to verify that we have understood properly. This also gives our mate an opportunity to
clarify areas where we have not understood adequately. It’s important to learn to ask questions that are not
answerable by the words “yes” or “no”. By asking questions which are answerable only by an explanation,
shows that we really want to listen to our mate.

A good listener listens with an attitude of acceptance and willingness to understand. Being a good listener is
very important to having good communication in a marriage.

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