Page 39 - Family Life Student Textbook

Communication involves Talking

James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and
pray for each other so that you may be healed. The
prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

Good communication also involves talking. We must be willing to
share things that are deep inside of us with our mate. Generally,
women do not have a problem sharing intimate things with their
husbands unless they feel rejected or unappreciated. However,
husbands may struggle to verbally share things from deep inside of
them. A wife cannot possibly learn to know her husband in a deep
way if he is unwilling to share his feelings with her. This can be very
frustrating to her because her greatest desire is to have a deep
relationship with her husband.

So, men, we need to push ourselves to increase our skill at verbally communicating deeply with our wife.
She wants to know our deepest thoughts and feelings, and she will be frustrated unless we are willing to
share them with her. We, as husbands, need to understand that this is an important value to our wife.

Misunderstandings can develop when two people have different styles of expressiveness and relating. We
also must understand that couples may have different styles of communication. Their family upbringing is a
big influence in determining what kind of communicator they may be. Some people talk a lot and have a lot
of expression. They may use many words to communicate one thought.

Another person might be relatively quiet. He may choose his words very wisely and use a minimum number.
His communication style might be calm and calculated. But, each of us needs to understand the other
person and accept their communication style. At the same time, we need to be willing to continually
improve in our communication style.

Good communication involves the risk of being disappointed or hurt and therefore involves a level of trust.
Generally men find it harder to share at a deep level because they are vulnerable to rejection.

The importance of Non-Verbal Communication

Our nonverbal communication is also important. In fact, it can be more important than the words we say.
Only about 25% of our communication is transferred through words. Another 25% of our communication is
transferred through the tone of our voice. There are many inflections and different tones of voice we can
use to say something simple like, “I love you”. And the tone that we use changes the meaning of those three
words.

The remaining 50% of our communication is transferred through nonverbal cues such as our body language.
What does the position of our body communicate to our mate? If our arms are folded across our chest, we
are communicating reservation, and scrutinization. If our arms and hands are open and reaching toward our
mate, we are communicating intense listening and a desire to understand them. If our body is turned away
from them, we are showing that we are not attentive or interested. When we turn toward our mate, we are
showing interest. When we place things, like tables, between us, we are communicating that there is a wall
between us and that we need to feel protected. When we remove those barriers and have nothing between
us, we communicate an openness and more vulnerability.

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