Page 37 - Family Life Student Textbook

5. Transparency Level (sharing who you are)

The deepest level of communication is called the
““Transparency” level. At this level we began sharing who we
really are. This involves sharing our disappointments, our fears,
our insecurities, our feelings of inadequacy, and any other
deep hidden parts of our being. This is truly being transparent
with one another. And this is the goal of marital
communication. A husband and wife sharing at this level will feel fulfilled and loved and enjoy a warm
fellowship and intimacy with each other. We mentioned earlier that the sexual aspect of marriage is a
culmination of this kind of transparent sharing. When we talk about the area of sex in a later lesson, we will
re-emphasize the fact that the wife needs to feel transparently intimate with her husband in order to enjoy
the intimacy of a sexual relationship with her husband.

Sharing at this level requires trust because we are making ourselves vulnerable. As we share our insecurities
and our fears, we run the risk of being rejected or criticized by our mate. And if they respond negatively, it
will greatly inhibit our sharing at a transparent level again. Because none of us are perfect, we must learn to
forgive and to try again. We as couples long to share at this deeper level and to feel understood and
accepted. Even a husband needs his wife's acceptance and respect to a very deep degree even though he
might not always verbalize it. It is important to be very careful and skilled in how we respond to our mate
when they do share at a transparent level.

Sharing at this transparent level is the goal of communication. And because we are vulnerable, there are
very few people in this world with which we would communicate at this level. Usually we communicate at
this level with only one person and according to God's design, our mate should be that person.

As you can see from this inverted triangle diagram, we will share the
cliché level with many people. But as we communicate at a deeper
and deeper level there are fewer and fewer people with whom we will
become more and more transparent. And that's as it should be.
Demonstrating to our mate that he or she is the only person with
whom we will communicate at the deepest level is fulfilling the
command to cleave to one another. In this way we are building a
strong bond and becoming one both emotionally and spiritually.

Learning to communicate at the transparent level, and taking the time
to do it regularly, is hard work. But it is well worth the effort as it is very rewarding. A married couple who
communicates at this level will be able to work out their differences and accept one another
unconditionally.

Good Communication involves being a Good Listener

James 1:19 “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to
listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

Proverbs 18:13 “To answer before listening -that is folly and shame.”

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