Page 50 - Family Life Student Textbook

Leadership in marriage is based on Christ's example, not societies example. The “head” leads not by “lording
it over” or “exercising authority” over his wife, but “with understanding” and by “giving honor”. Lording it
over her abuses personal power.

Mark 10:42–45 “Jesus called them together and said, ‘You know that those who are
regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise
authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among
you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even
the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom
for many.’”

Lording it over means to intimidate her with threats. This is sinful. Do not use your voice, stance, or your
strength in any way that threatens your wife. Do not communicate, “I am the husband here, you are not, so
you’d better obey me.” Exercising your authority abuses personal position. Domination is sinful. If you feel
the desire to dominate your wife, just say, “sweetheart, I cannot be a good head right now. Excuse me.” and
walk away.

Where are you on the “Headship Continuum”?

By authentic leadership, we mean that we should be
the servant leader commanded in God’s word. To
abandon your leadership is an under reaction of
passivity and fear. To be absent from your
leadership role is to make known that you are not
emotionally there. To be apathetic means you are
saying, “Whatever you want to do, I don't care,”.
The goal is for us to be in the middle and be
authentic. On the other extreme, men who are
authoritarian use their voice and posture in a stance
to threaten. Autocratic leadership communicates,
“It’s my way or no way!”, “Who asked you? You are
just a woman!”. And men who are abusive show
aggression and anger.

Many husbands waste lots of time and energy trying to make their wife obey them. Firstly, it is a waste of
time because it is her decision, not his. But secondly, and more importantly, making your wife obey you is
not your responsibility or prerogative. The Biblical command to submit is given to the wife. Obeying that
command is between her and God. The Bible never instructs the husband to make his wife submit. While
the Bible tells us that God the Father disciplines His children, the Bible does not ever communicate that
Jesus, the Groom, disciplines us, the church, His bridegroom. A husband has no Biblical grounds to discipline
his wife. And he is clearly sinning when he punishes her or threatens her with physical force.

Leadership includes providing for the material needs of the family. To “provide” means to plan beforehand
to meet the family's needs.

1 Timothy 3:2 “Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate,
self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach.”

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