Page 163 - Advanced Biblical Counseling Student Textbook

 The family – the primary solid relationship in the student’s life – is now broken. Trust
goes with it.
 Loss of tradition
 Places students go on breaks, on holidays, etc.
 Loneliness and isolation
 Parents aren’t able to give for the first few years after divorce, so deep loneliness sets
in.
 Depression may even result – they’re hurt, angry, confused, and even embarrassed at
times.
 Feelings of guilt
 Teens often blame their parents’ divorce on their behavior.
 Help the student see they’re not a fault.
 Inability to love
 “It’s not uncommon for the child of a disrupted home to become hard and callused,
seemingly unable to give or receive love. Time usually eases the hurt and heals these
emotions. Students can make silly mistakes when they have shut off their emotions.
They can reject anyone who reaches out to them. They can pretend everything is okay
(when it isn’t).
 This initial rejection can be overcome by persistence – stick with them.
 Misfit self-image
 Sometimes teens can view themselves as being on stage. Because of the divorce, they’re
unsure how people may view them, leading to self-consciousness and low self-esteem.
 Anger
 Can be healthy, but it’s often unhealthy and needs to be addressed.
 Hopelessness may add to the anger.
 Anger can lead to bitterness if not addressed
 Poor communication
 Could come with lack of trust or poor self-image.
 “No one really understands me and what I’m going through because I’m different.”
 Cynicism regarding marriage
 Their primary model for marriage is now broken, so students often feel that what
happened to their parents is normal.
 Fear is behind the cynicism.

So how do you deal with these multiple affects? There is no easy solution, but here are some
suggestions you may consider.

If a youth comes to you from a divorce situation, be sure to provide a supporting and accepting counsel.
Let them talk and share their frustrations and hurt. Talk to them about forgiveness and the grace of
God. Help them see the situation from a larger view. Perhaps God can use this tragedy in their lives to
strength them for a might service to Him. Give them a model from Scripture of a good and God-
honoring marriage. Hopefully give them a glimpse of your marriage as a model. Also, reach out to their
parents and see how you can help in the situation.

I have been involved in counseling parents who have divorced, and after a time, the Lord brought them
back together and reunited their family. It is possible the forgiveness and restoration can come.

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