Page 160 - Advanced Biblical Counseling Student Textbook

19. What are your long -range goals?
20. In what kind of church would you feel comfortable raising your family?
21. How can I inspire you to improve?
22. How can I help when you become angry?
23. How can I help when you become distressed?
24. How can I help when you aren’t ready to solve the problem at hand and want to run away from
it?
25. Can we agree to always resolve our anger before the sun goes down?
26. Can we agree to have a time out if the other needs time to cool down?
27. Can we agree to continue to help the other person grow more like Christ by giving constructive
criticism?
28. Am I willing to also receive constructive criticism in order to continue to grow, even though it
hurts?
29. Who will be responsible to read Bible Stories to the Children? (Both or is this a time when one
of us can have some alone time?)
30. What makes you feel honored and cherished by the other person?

Managing Conflict Resolution
Next, determine if the couple is equipped to handle conflict. Explain to them that when two people
unite in marriage, there is ALWAYS going to be conflict. The key to a good marriage is how you plan to
resolve those conflicts and remain united as one. Ask them these questions:

1. How did your parents resolve conflict with each other?
2. How did your parents resolve conflict with you as a child?
3. What can we learn from scripture about how to resolve conflicts?
4. Honestly, how good are you at resolving conflict with your friends?
5. Honestly, how good are you at resolving conflict with a friend of the opposite sex? –a person
you are dating?
6. Why is it difficult to “speak the truth in love”?
7. What do you need to learn and change about resolving conflict

If you see from their answers that this is a weakness, then spend some time helping them learn to
resolve conflicts. Perhaps take one of the things that bugs them about the other and help them come to
a resolution.

Physical intimacy
Obviously, they will be thinking about physical intimacy. Ask them these questions:

1. What view of the opposite sex have you gained from your parents?
2. What view of the opposite sex have you gained from your culture?
3. How involved sexually have you been in your dating experiences?
4. Honestly, what view of sex have you gained from your parents?
5. Honestly, what view of sex have you gained from your culture?
6. What view of sex do you want your mate to bring into your marriage?
7. What view of sex should you be taking into marriage?
8. What do you need to do in order to positively change your view of marriage?
9. What are your expectations about physical intimacy in your marriage?
10. How can pre-marital sex negatively affect physical intimacy in marriage?

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