Page 156 - Advanced Biblical Counseling Student Textbook

Satan has other plans. He likes to destroy relationships. He wants to break up the family design of God.
He tries to pervert God’s plan in every way. So, entering marriage for a young couple is going to be a
spiritual battle against a foe who seeks to destroy their love and happiness and bond of unity.

Every couple considering marriage needs to understand fully what the duties and responsibilities of each
partner is BEFORE they enter into the commitment. In doing so, they can be united in ways to handle
the pressures they will face in the future. Pre-marital counseling is basically a course on how to manage
life’s difficulties and challenges.

How to Predict a Happy Marriage 235

Over the last three decades, marriage specialists have researched the ingredients of a happy marriage.
As a result, we know more about building a successful marriage today and ever before. For example,
happy married couples will have:

• Healthy expectations of marriage
• A realistic concept of love
• A positive attitude and outlook toward life
• The ability to communicate their feelings
• An understanding and acceptance of their gender differences
• The ability to make decisions and settle arguments
• A common spiritual foundation and goals

We could add a few more ingredients.
• A proper understanding of how to handle God’s financial resources
• An agreement of how many children can be anticipated and how to raise them.
• A total commitment to keep their vows until death.

When we watch a romantic movie or read a romantic story, they sometimes end with, “and they lived
happily ever after.” This is one of the most tragic sentences in literature or in the videos we watch. It is
tragic because it is not true. It leads people to believe that marriage itself will bring happiness. “He (or
she) will make me happy” is often heard from a couple who believe this fairy tale. Here are some huge
misconceptions about marriage that some couples think.

“We expect exactly the same things from marriage…”
“Everything good in our relationship will only get better once we are married…”
“Everything bad in my life will disappear…”
“My spouse will make me whole…” 236

Commitment is the key…
As you counsel a young couple before marriage, they must understand what the glue is that will make
their marriage last. While the romantic rush of feelings will fade, another kind of love, anchored in
commitment, will take its place and bring a stabilizing peace in the marriage.

235 Les and Leslie Parrott, Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts, Zondervan, 2006, p. 15.
236 Ibid., p. 20.

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