Page 101 - The Legacy of Abraham Rothstein - text

A marriage proposition

As I have said before, I was growing up without learning a trade
or perfecting my Jewish knowledge, so I had no tools for providing a
livelihood for myself or a wife and family. Most parents whose sons
were studying the Talmud and its commentaries expected, when their
boy reached manhood at about the age of eighteen, to find some
well-to-do Jewish merchant who needed a son-in-law. A dowry
would be provided, as well as a place to live for several years, at least.
Some of these acquired sons-in-law would be set up in a small
business, or become a rabbi or shochet, bringing honor to the family;
others remained in the house of their in-laws the rest of their lives,
being nothing but kibbitzers or batlonim, idlers. When I studied in the
bet hamidrash, I knew several of that kind, who kept studying the
Talmud, smoking, talking, and praying, without any effort at making a
living for themselves.
When I reached nineteen years of age, my father thought it was
time that I married and reduced the family congestion. Now, I was
not a batlon or kibbitzer; I was always interested in books beside the
religious curriculum, I could carve, and I sometimes painted signs for
a small merchant. In general, I was considered a modern boy by the
villagers, because I used to read Polish and Hebrew papers every day,
and could tell the people what was going on in world politics.
Pelcovizna had as many girls as boys, and even there the ordinary
Jew, who had little Jewish learning or any other education, wanted to
have as son-in-law a ben toyreh, a boy having studied the Talmud, who
was refined and of a well-known family. Thus I was well-qualified to
marry into a family where I should have at least one year’s free
living—with food and clothing—and be set up in some small
business or be given a job as a salesman or cashier in conjunction
with bookkeeping.
It is easy to sell a house when the seller and buyer know each
other, yet most sales are made through a broker, who can bring the
individuals together. As small and compact as Pelcovizna was, still
the bet hamidrash kind of boys never came in contact with girls, never
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