Page 47 - Unlikely Stories 5

UU

“Never mind the pugnacity, big man: I won’t keep you in suspense.
They both start with the letter U. Just like your name. Umbrella
ukulele.”
“Hee-hee. That’s pretty good, Neb. You know, that’s my brand.”
Uriah pointed to a pair of horseshoes nailed to one wall, just above a
montage of photographs of him posing with an assortment of aging
sportsmen and real athletes. Next to it hung a Western hat.
“Yes, I know. You’ve got five thousand head of longhorns with UU
burned into their rumps down on your ranch. I know you love to play
cowboy with all the big corporate heads who have real brands.”
“Now don’t be a smart-ass, Neb. They are coming down to visit me
on my spread because they respect my brand, my way of doing
business.”
“True enough, Urkie. But what they buy from you is worth a whole
lot more than what they pay for it. Remember that!”
“I certainly do, Nebbie—and they don’t get off cheaply. But if they
thought I was greedy they would find someone else—I know
something about deal-making, you nitwit!” Urquhart wandered over to
a stair stepper and activated it. “Those guys are my pals, anyway.
We’re working for the same goals—and, as I said, you can’t get better
lawyers than mine. I’ve got nothing to hide.”
“You’ve got nothing but your hide, you and your cows.” Scurry
pointed to the wall montage. “And I’m well aware of the real
significance of those horseshoes: they’re from the donkey that tried to
kick you.”
“Watch it!” Uriah snarled. “I kicked that ass and I can kick yours,
too!”
Neb flitted about in an equestrian parody.
“And that ten-gallon hat: it looks a bit large for you, Urkie. Is it
made in Hollywood?”
“Fits me perfectly,” said Uriah smugly. “Probably come down over
your ears, you pipsqueak.”
“Perhaps.” Nebuchadnezzar bent down to his bag again. “I can
barely hold four gallons.” The other man ignored him, straining at the
springs of non-ascent. “Are you listening to me, Uriah Urquhart? You
can keep on going up to nowhere: that’s not Jacob’s ladder you’re
climbing. Remember who you are and where you came from: a little
humility to temper that hubris would not in your case be at all amiss.”
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