Page 46 - Unlikely Stories 5

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“He’ll tell me if it’s worth knowing,” crowed Uriah. “But I don’t
want to know why you bother. You are a bother! Just tell me the
answer to the question that you say I can’t answer even if I know the
answer to the question that you don’t know why you bothered to ask.”
“Okay, okay,” Neb affected weariness. “Oval teen.”
“Ovaltine?” The tall man was looking for something else to push or
pull or hit or stomp. “Haven’t had that since I was a kid. Tasty stuff!
Maybe I should see if it’s still available. Blast! I wish this gym had
some serious barbells!”
Neb, crestfallen at yet another joke gone flat, lashed out verbally:
“They’re too dangerous for you, Urkie. You might hurt yourself.”
“Screw you! I can do whatever I want because—what is that thing
you’ve got there?”
Neb had found what he was looking for. He held it out to the other
man. “I had it made just for you: it’s a combination umbrella and
ukulele.”
“Aw, you shouldn’t have, Neb old buddy—but let me have it!” He
grabbed the device and turned it over in his hands. “How do you
work this thing?”
“Solid state and state of the art,” said Scurry with pride. “You can
easily deploy the bumbershoot—thusly—and perform, for example,
‘Singin’ in the Rain’ to amaze your guests.”
“Well, I’m not much good on musical instruments.”
“I’m well aware of that fact: so all you have to do is push this little
button and a recording of a ukulele will come out while you pretend to
strum—the sound is quite convincing, I might add. It’s programmed
for two hundred popular songs.”
“Oh.” Urquhart brightened, then darkened. “But I don’t know the
words to any of them.”
Neb beamed.
“Thought of that, too! It has a tiny transmitter tuned to the
frequency of your earpiece prompter. You’ll hear the lyrics just in time
to sing them, same as you do for speeches and debates. I’ve even
taken the liberty of making up a few new verses to old songs for
special occasions. But do you get the significance of the two things
I’ve combined?”
“No—but I won’t give up!”

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