Page 43 - Unlikely Stories 5

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compulsive addictive personality, that’s your problem—at least you
have a legal vice now.”
“Bah! All that scientific mumbo-jumbo! Next thing you’ll be telling
me I’m descended from a monkey and the world is about to
overheat.”
“Hey, you said no jokes about your mama!”
Urquhart yanked off his towel and snapped it viciously at Neb. The
paunchy fellow, nimble when it counted, swerved beyond reach.
“Okay, Urkie, okay. Calm down: we’re just a couple of jocks having
a laugh while we work out, right? Who else is going to give you a
laugh?”
“I give out the laughs. Nobody gives them to me,” Urquhart
declared grimly.
“My point exactly,” said Neb. “But get this: those eggheads in the
universities aren’t going to be making as much noise as they used to
be.”
“Why not?”
“Where do you think they get their funding? All their grant money?
From the federal government! Those guys are all going to be driving
taxicabs before too long. Anyway, someone has to do it: all those
Islamic terrorist cabbies are being deported.”
“Really? Caught ‘em sending secrets to what’s-his-name over
there?”
“Nah,” said Neb. “Overstayed their visas. Same thing.”
“But what about their contacts in this country? All those traitors?”
Neb picked up an old-fashioned elastic band with handles and tried
stretching it by putting one end under his left foot and pulling up on
the other with both hands. “Aargh!” he cried, as he lost his footing
and went down in a heap, the band wrapped around his neck.
Urquhart laughed mockingly.
“I’m sure the intelligence agencies know the names of everyone
who ever took a ride in one of their cabs. Those computers can put
two and two together and get—what, Urkie? Quick now: two plus two
equals—?”
“Are you serious? Everybody knows it’s four, right?”
“I hope so! We don’t need another scandal involving our spies!”
Neb picked himself up, dusted himself off and started all over again—
with the same results. “Yow!”
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