Page 98 - The Perpetrations of Captain Kaga

Recounting the Binary Neeks

our ideas, particularly in our sociopolitical theories. Colonel Snempfar
had many sessions with him, and his notes indicated that the Colonel
considered Bagpipe Ambler a potential enlightened despot, a Neek
who would usher his society into modern times. I don’t think
Snempfar had quite completed his indoctrination of this Neek when
he was forced by his age to retire and leave the planet. Bagpipe
Ambler seemed rather disconcerted when I refused, politely but
firmly, to discuss Eighteenth Century European political history with
him.”
“Second in line, Sniffling Strutter was merely mentioned in passing
by the Colonel. Also elderly, this Neek showed no interest
whatsoever in our culture. I checked the files here, and learned that
Sniffling Strutter was in every group of Neeks responding to the
PKU presence in its early days in a hostile fashion. By the time
Colonel Snempfar was in charge and opened the gates, so to speak,
Sniffling Strutter was too old to do much but talk. The Colonel wrote
him off as senile, owing to his lack of interest.”
“So that’s the way it was until a few days ago. Many Neeks felt the
way Bagpipe Ambler did, although more were similar in outlook to
Sniffling Strutter. It is, as you can imagine, impossible to accurately
gauge public opinion, since I am trying to discourage communication.
Then everything happened at once. Three-whistle Trotter suddenly
fell ill and went into a coma, a sign that death is imminent. He is still
alive, but won’t last another two days.’’
“As soon as this happened, Bagpipe Ambler broke the customary
silence and announced that he would not advance when Three-
whistle Trotter died; instead he intended to drop out of the binary
system and live as a free Neek. No Neek has ever done that before.
The idea of abdicating never even occurred to them—it’s one of
ours. If he drops out, others will probably do the same.”
“On top of these two developments, the next day Sniffling Strutter
sent a message through the ranks that caused me to make that
deepspace call to you. He said that if Bagpipe Ambler abdicates and
he, Sniffling Strutter, advances to number one, his first official act
would be to attack the PKU mission, with the objective of destroying
us or driving us off the continent. My own survey of the Neeks I’ve
come in contact with in the last day or so indicates only one third

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