Page 107 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Chapter Seventeen

I push these morbid thoughts out of my head. My heart
wants to linger but my mind fights, wavering between the truth
and denial. Not one single person has told me she is dying.
She’s trying so hard to keep the truth from us. But right now,
in this moment, I am so scared she’s going to leave me. Forever.
I can sense it in a deep spiritual place. I just know she is not
going to make it.
My own pain is consuming me right now. Self-pity pours
out of me like one massive teardrop after another. My body
is tingling, bubbling over in my core, anxious yet with quiet
excitement. I feel a gentle nudge from a power existing outside
of me. Could this be the Holy Spirit that I have heard so much
about? Is this the Spirit of Christ himself flowing and present
in this place? Maybe this is it!
The pastor beckons me. Me – personally. I feel it. I know
he is speaking to me. Soft voices continue to sing as others
whimper. These voices unite me, drawing me into the flow of
something intangible. I cannot see it or touch it. But I know it
is there. It can only be spiritual.
Influenced by the waves of emotion, my teardrops become
sobs. My whole body is now weeping. Jesus is allowing me to
encounter His divine presence. It is physical, it is metaphysical,
it is divine and it is very, very real.
I rise from my pew slowly, afraid and yet not afraid, and I
shuffle down the aisle, careful not to step on the feet of others
whose heads are bowed. What was a gentle nudging is now
a strong yearning and I know I am being led by something
or someone. Pace quickening, with my hand sliding down the
wooden railing, I descend the flight of stairs from the balcony.
I enter the main door of the sanctuary, blanketed in a divine
sense of awe as I find my way down the burgundy carpeted
aisle. Slowly, as there are others in front of me, I walk towards

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