Page 222 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Reason To Sing

Once the transfer has been completed, I make a mad dash
for the car. Gord tears out of the parking spot like we’re Bonnie
and Clyde. It almost makes me laugh. I do crack a tiny smile as
I breathe a small sigh of relief.
As we drive, Gord takes my hand. I feel our chemistry ignite.
And there you have it. Here I am, literally minutes after
leaving Hudson, and now without missing a single beat, I’m
with Gord.
Leaving my husband is such a huge relief, I have to pinch
myself. Have I really done it? Can this really be true? How did
I make this bold move now, having failed so many other times?
Where did the courage come from?
It doesn’t matter. I am overcome with joy, gratitude and love.
Or maybe it’s just lust? I don’t really know. But I have to trust
that I’m doing the right thing. For me – right now. Perhaps it’s
just all part of my survival. For this day. Just today.
I’m not sure exactly what to do but I know I cannot go back
home. So, I spend the night in the arms of my new boyfriend.
My new boyfriend. Calling Gord that is just plain weird. My
stress levels have calmed and now I feel safe and cared for. It feels
right. It feels comfortable. I am so grateful for Gord.
But that doesn’t in any way diminish my biggest fear: what
will Hudson do now? This time he has truly lost control of me.
His threats yesterday give me even more reason to be terrified.
Morning pushes through my foggy mind. As I awake, lying
next to the man with whom I have fallen in love, my new reality
hits me. As euphoric as it feels to be lying here beside Gord,
I’m still in a state of shock. Everything that took place yesterday
still feels surreal. And today? I’m not quite sure yet. I feel panic
coming on. I need to find out what is happening with Hudson.
As elated as I am to be free, a huge part of me feels sick inside.
I can’t help it.

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