Page 249 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Chapter Forty-Two

Every day I’m becoming more alive! In heart, body, soul and
spirit. After being held prisoner inside myself, controlled by
other relationships for so many years, I feel like I’m embarking
on a time of transformation and rebirth. It’s exhilarating and
frightening at the same time. But I am okay because when I
survived that crash, I surrendered to whatever is meant to be.
I’ve read the actress Shirley MacLaine’s book, “Out on
a Limb,” about her journey with reincarnation, meditation
and mediumship (trance-channeling). I’ve chanted with the
Buddhist neighbours who used to live above me. I’ve been
corralled by some ‘nice’ Church of Scientology ‘friends’ on
Yonge Street in downtown Toronto. I have also been exposed
to a plethora of other New Age practices. I’ve gone to psychics,
palm and tea-leaf readers and had my numbers and horoscope
done. I had a friend read my Tarot cards. Some of her findings
were uncanny.
There isn’t any question where all this awakening is coming
from. A fire is being reignited. I’ve been touched by this familiar
flame before. I recognize this Spirit. It’s the same Spirit that
manifested a life-changing impact on me at 11 years old, when
I wrote my first song. The same Spirit that moved me as a young
teenager, kneeling on a set of stairs, where I embraced the love
and forgiveness of God. And the powerful Spirit that brought
me comfort and strength as I watched my dying mother. That’s
the one. The Holy One.
I know God loves me. I can literally feel the healing taking
place in my heart a little bit more every day. And forgiveness?
God knows I have a lot of that to earn. It’s coming. I know I
also have to forgive myself. That’s the hardest one and hopefully,
in time, I’ll find appropriate room in my heart. I do feel like a
huge weight has been lifted. I don’t have to carry all of this on
my own any longer.

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