Page 277 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Chapter Forty-Five

been growing in leaps and bounds. When the three of us are
together, I’m the one who feels like a fifth wheel. One look at
their body language and anyone would think they are the ones
who are married. And now here they are, together, without me,
halfway across the world.
I lose weight, sleep too much and turn into a frazzled mess.
Looking after Keldon (a very busy 2 1/2-year-old) is the only
thing that keeps me from becoming completely unhinged.
Because of him I drag myself out of bed in the morning.
Because of him I force myself to eat, no matter how little. I
know I must keep going. God has miraculously instilled in me
the strength to remain sane at a time when going crazy could
be much easier.
With face washed and teeth brushed, I sit on the edge of
my bed ready to climb in for the night. I have been counting
days since Gord left. Tonight is number 13. My solo act will
soon end. By this time tomorrow Gord will be back in this bed.
Our bed.
I sit in the silence listening to my nerves quietly shatter. I
have completely exhausted all that was left in me. I look down
at my legs. I feel my arms. I have grown frail. These two weeks
have drained all the life out of me. I slump down the side of the
bed and melt into the carpet. I don’t even recognize my own
voice as I whimper, Lord God, I so need to know what is going on
in my marriage. Please, I am begging you, show me what is wrong.
I need to know the truth. I can’t stand living like this any longer. I
must know. Please God, please, have mercy and show me.
Patiently I wait. I wait some more. My eyes begin to burn
and then well up. The tears come. Heartsick and grief-stricken,
I plead again, God I need to know the truth. Please show me. I so
need to know.
It is unclear at first but gradually a vision begins to appear.

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