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Sefer Chafetz Chayim 13 VOL-4 םייח ץפח רפס
Ilustrative Examples םירויצ
Example 7 ט רויצ

The extent of the medical condition should not be exaggerated. (3) The הניא ותרימא רומג ןינקב ומצע בייחש ןויכד ,)ול
observer’s intent in conveying that information must be to benefit \ assist
the bride’s side and not out of any sense of hatred for the groom. This םיאנתה יפכ םייקיש ותופכל לוכי ןתחהד ,םולכ
last detail is inclusive of yet another concern: The observer must first .םהיניב ונתוהש
think through what he is about to say and determine if the outcome of
that “report” will be helpful, meaning, to exclude the possibility that his
“report” will be ignored and the engagement \ wedding will go forward הילטקיאו ליזיא רמאש ימל המוד הז ירה דועו
(which would then put his “report” in the category of “Rechilut”). This
scenario is found very often in negotiating marital matches, as we wrote )א"ע ו"מ( תועובשב ןנירמאד ,אינלפד אלקידל
th
above in the Be’er Mayim Chayim of the 9 Kelal, in the 4 notation.
th
יאדוב םש םגד ףאו .דיבע אלו םיזגד שניא דיבעד
(E3/6/3)-(9) .. he must disclose this: The fulfillment of any prior תא רומשיש ידכ לקדה לעבל תולגל הלחתמ רתומד
conditions is unnecessary. The first condition, that he determines the event
is truly “bad,” is obviously irrelevant here (since the heretic is obviously 'ט ללכ תליחתב 'ב קלחב ונראיב רבכ אלהד ,ולקד
bad). The second condition, that the “bad” not be exaggerated, is similarly אקוד ונייה ,'וכ דומעת אל ךייש ןוממ ינינעב ףאד
irrelevant. Even if the groom, G-d forbid, has the slightest taint of heresy,
he is no longer characterized as “your brother.” However, one must be תא רומשי קר רבד םוש השעי אל ועידויש םאב
very careful that if he only knows about the groom’s heresy because he השעמ השעיש ןנירייאד וננינעב לבא ,ונממ ומצע
heard it from someone else, this observer may not say that he has first-hand
knowledge of the groom’s heresy since he himself cannot do anything more ל"ז םתרבס הפ ךייש יאדוב ,ל"נכו ורוביד י"ע
for the purpose of protecting himself and others than suspect that what he וכרדד אוה םתנוכד ,דיבע אלו םיזגד שניא דיבע
heard might be true, so then how could he say he knows himself first-
hand about the groom’s heresy? The third condition, that his motivation אלש אוהש המ כ"חא תושעל אלו םחנתהל םדא לש
is to achieve a beneficial outcome, and the fourth condition, that if another קזיה םוש ול בבסל רוסאד יאדוב כ"או ,הרות ןידכ
strategy is available it should be used to convey this information, are both
similarly not relevant, as I wrote above in the first half of this sefer, in the ללכבש םיטרפה לכ ומלשוי םא וליפא הז רובע
th
th
8 Kelal, in the 5 halacha. Please see that reference. ךודישה לטבתמ היה אל ןיד תיב י"עש ןויכ ,'ט
(E3/6/4)-(10) .. this is what both of them want: Here too in this רתוי ורוביד יפ לע ןתחה השעי כ"או ,הז רובע
circumstance, the men who are testing the extent of the groom’s Torah
knowledge must carefully make their assessment in the context of this ת"שב ראובמש המל המוד הז רבדו( ןידה יפכמ
specific marital match; just how much Torah knowledge must this groom רוסאד הריבע רבעש םדא דחא האור םאש הנוי 'רל
have achieved in order to satisfy the demands of the bride’s side? They
may not exaggerate the extent of the grooom’s lack of knowledge because םשד ג"עאו ,הבושת השע אמש םדא ינבל תולגל
if they are not careful in their assessment of the groom’s abilities, it is very אנוממבד םושמ ונייה ,םוקמל םדא ןיבב אקוד
likely they will have violated the Torah’s Lav prohibiting Lashon Hara.
ןניעב אהד הבושת השע אמש בושחל ךייש ןיא

,)א"ע ט"י( תוכרבב ש"מכו הירמל רדהמד דע
Mekor Hachayim
ירבד רבידש קר ,ןיידע רבעש וניאר אל םא לבא
E3/7. Similarly, this same law applies regarding the disclosure םחינש וילע בושחל ךירצד יאדוב ,אמלעב תוטש
of information to the groom regarding the bride \ the prospective

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