Page 23 - Relationships101 A Guide To Building Healthy Relationships Final 1

1. Spend some time alone

This is one of the best ways to teach the mind to calm down. A well-coordinated response can only
come from a peaceful mind. Therefore, this is a very helpful technique. Spend this alone
time meditating and achieving inner peace. Look beyond the routine worries and see the larger purpose
of life.

2. Just breathe

To avoid an instant reaction, just take a minute to breathe. No matter what the situation is, take deep
breaths and let the urge to react pass. This is just a matter of a few seconds. Once the urge is gone, your
mind will be in control. Therefore, you will be able to respond in a better way.

3. Look for logic

The best response is the one backed by a detailed logic. In the search for logic, one automatically learns
to evaluate all parameters involved. This results in an apt response to the situation.

4. Evaluate your actions

Make it a habit to evaluate your actions at the end of the day. Ask yourself if there were any situations
where you overreacted? Did you choose to react out of anger or out of logic? It is important to
understand the impact of each action on the basis of these parameters. Learn from such instances. This
will teach the mind the importance of choosing to respond over reacting. -end-

After you have successfully trained your mind to respond, if you are greeted with denial and
continuance of the behavior, it is unhealthy to continue in that environment. The suggestion is to
remove yourself immediately by blocking calls and cutting off any kind of contact. Or in cases where
you cannot remove yourself immediately, begin to position yourself to leave the situation.

Whether the lack of contact is permanent or temporary should be determined by evidence of change on
the other person’s part. Otherwise, you are taking a risk that things will be different. This may be hard
to do when you live together. What could be a good gauge of if you should remove yourself is if the
situation is causing you to feel mentally or emotionally traumatized or victimized.

I think it is important to position yourself in life to where you can protect yourself from any situation
where there is no recognition, or responsibility taken to address and change toxic behavior. Therefore, I
encourage you to build a healthy foundation for yourself first. Be in a relationship, but do not move in
with anyone, that includes family members or good friends or get married until you are able to stand on
your own two feet with or without being in a relationship. That way, if the situation does not work out,
you are still able to take care of yourself.

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