Page 54 - Relationships101 A Guide To Building Healthy Relationships Final 1

Through coming to terms with my own issues about love, I’ve learned that love is "other-
person" focused. The priority is on giving of yourself. That why it is important to choose
who you give yourself to wisely. For me, to be in a relationship means I am there to focus
on the person I am with and they are there to focus on me. The essence of being in a
relationship is to be concerned about their needs and happiness, and they are to be
concerned with mine. This creates an environment where each person knows their needs are
important to the other and that they are cared for.

But who can give themselves and live up to this standard without worrying that the other
person will not do their part? It is easier to do your part when your own life is in balance
and when you have a keen sense of what you want and do not want. This helps you
determine what you are willing to give or not give in a relationship.

Finally, cultivating your spiritual side is instrumental and will help in understand and
develop unconditional love. As humans, we have proven for centuries that we are clueless
when it comes to love. Societally, we are unsuccessful in relationships and marriage, we
raise children who are unsuccessful in relationships and marriage, and the cycle continues.
Perhaps this is an area where we need to find a source of love that works when tested. We
can learn the characteristics of love from spiritual teachings that come from the Creator of
love. These characteristics are rarely considered relevant or effective because they
contradict the self-seeking-based societal norms that we have been groomed in from
infancy. When the characteristics of love that are based on the Creator of love becomes
second nature, it will change your life. You are no longer guessing about what healthy love
is or feels like because you are experiencing it and therefore can practice it with the people
in your life.

I want to note here that developing spiritually doesn’t mean that life will become a fairytale.
I thought with my relationship with God and my faith and prayer life in particular, that my
family dynamic would no doubt improve. Never in a million years did I consider the fact
that I would have to leave my family alone to protect my sanity. I am not ruling out the
possibility for healing with them. I just never imagined that decades of talking to them
would bring me to where I am right now with them. The point is, you can have faith and
pray, but be mentally equipped to deal with the realities of life. One of the greatest spiritual
lessons I have learned is, to keep your heart foremost with God, and your head foremost
with man.

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