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We cannot control whether others react or respond to us, but the ability to be transparent
with yourself will empower you to choose to respond in ways that protect your peace of
mind and keep you in a healthy place.

Steps to Take to Have a Healthy Relationship

There are reliable tools that can be used to create a healthy relationship, many of which
have not been taught in our culture. If you want to have a really healthy relationship, follow
these simple guidelines. Once you grow, you might be able to add a few of your own to the
list.

1. Do not expect anyone to be responsible for your happiness.

Ask yourself why you aren't happy. Too often, relationships fail because people blame their
unhappiness on their partners. Your life is solely under your control. With your relationship,
you have to take the good with the bad. You need to give as well as take. This applies to
your partner too. If you are with a partner who does not give, teach them the definition of
relations and the purpose of the relationship you learned at the beginning of this chapter.

2. Make and keep clear agreements.

Respect the differences between yourself and your partner. Do not expect your partner to
agree with you on every issue. Reach a mutual agreement or plan and commit to it. If you
say you're going to meet your friend at noon, let it be on time (or call if you absolutely must
be late). If you agree to have a monogamous relationship, keep that agreement. Keeping
agreements shows respect for yourself and your partner, and it creates a sense of trust and
safety.

3. Use communication to understand different points of view and to create a
mutual, collaborative agreement or plan.

You can choose to be right or to have a successful relationship. You can't always have both.
Many people argue to be "right." They say, "If you loved me, you would..." and argue until
the other says, "Fine, you're right." If you are more interested in being right, this approach
will not create a healthy relationship.

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