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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander # רדנלדירפ םייח ברה 280818_efi-ab - 280818_efi-ab | 4 - A | 18-08-28 | 11:06:24 | SR:-- | Black 280818_efi-ab - 280818_efi-ab | 4 - A | 18-08-28 | 11:06:24 | SR:-- | Cyan 280818_efi-ab - 280818_e
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 3 - Lesson 2 ג רמאמ - י ֶעי ֶב ְר ר ִר ִׁ
Chapter 3 - Lesson 2 ל ָכ ְבּ ץ ַח ַל פ ַמ ְז וּה ִז י ֶכּ ,םי ֶבּט םי ֶמָי י ֵב ְר ַע ְבוּ ת ָבּ ֶַ ב ִר ִע ְבּ
פ ַמ ְז ֶל ה ִכּ ַחְי א ָלּ ִא ,ל ֵבּ ַר ְת ֶה ְל הָיוֹּש ֲע ת ִרֹקּ ֶבּ ַה פי ֵא ְו ,םי ֶתּ ָבּ ַה
Gratitude.
.הּי ֵנּי ֶמ וּל ְבּ ַרי ֶל ְדּ א ָתוּחי ֶנ ְבּ וי ָר ָב ְדּ ת ִא ר ַמאֹי ז ָא ם ַג ְו . ַחּני ֶנ
“Moreover, this love must be an expression of gratitude…as תי ֶשׂ ָע ה ָמּ ָל" - ה ָפ ָר ְת ַה ְו ה ָעי ֶב ְתּ פֶּ ְל ֶבּ וי ָר ָב ְדּ ת ִא ר ַמאֹי אלֹ ְו
the gratitude to his wife is tremendous and unlimited.” The םי ֶר ָב ְדּ ַה ת ִא ר ַמאֹי א ָלּ ִא ,"ךְ ָכּ תי ֶשׂ ָע אלֹ ה ָמּ ָל" - ּא ,"ךְ ָכּ
great fundamental rule directed at the Chatan on which his love
can grow and will result in the blossoming of their affection is his ר ֵבּ ַדְי ּא ,ךְ ָכּ תֹוֹש ֲע ַל יא ַד ְכּ ּא יוּא ָר - רי ֶֶָי י ֶתּ ְל ֶבּ פ ִפֹא ְבּ
tangible gratitude to his wife. Gratitude is one of the excellent ל ֵדּ ַתּ ְֶֶי םי ֶנ ָׁ ל ָכּ ל ַע .ךְ ָכ ְו ךְ ָכּ ג ַה ְנ ֶנ וּנ ְח ַנ ֲא - וּנ ְח ַנ ֲא פֶּ ְל ֶבּ
character traits that a man must develop within himself, as it
applies to his relationship with people and to his relationship with ר ֵרּע ְל לוּל ָע ה ִז י ֶכּ ,הֹ ִש ֲע ַמ ת ַע ְֶ ֶבּ ּתּ ְר ָקּ ֶבּ ת ִא ר ַמּל אלֹּ ִֶ
Hashem, as we will explain further on in the letter. Acquiring this וי ָר ָב ְדּ ת ִא ה ִח ְדֶי א ָלּ ִא , ַח ֵצּ ַנ ְת ֶה ְלוּ ר ֵדּ ַט ְצ ֶה ְל פּצ ָר ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ל ִצ ֵא
character trait is not something that comes easily because a man
who acknowledges a favor done to him also believes that he is ת ִרֹקּ ֶבּ י ֵר ְב ֶדּ ר ַמּל פי ֵא ,םי ֶנ ָׁ ל ָכּ ל ַע .ר ִֶֹכּ ַה ת ַע ְֶ ֶל ה ִכּ ַחי ֶו
constrained by an obligation of thanks, meaning, he is compelled י ֵנ ְפ ֶל ,ךְ ִפ ִה ְל א ָלּ ִא .ה ָח ָׁ ְֶ ֶמּ ַה י ֵנ ְבּ י ֵנ ְפ ֶל אלֹ ְו ,םי ֶר ֵח ֲא י ֵנ ְפ ֶבּ
to thank and reciprocate a favor back to that person. And since no
man wants to oblige himself to be indebted to anyone he denies the .ת ַח ַא "תי ֶז ֲח" הּ ָתּ ֶא תּוּ ַה ְלוּ ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ת ִא רי ֶדּ ְצ ַה ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ םי ֶר ֵח ֲא
goodness done to him using all kinds of reasons and excuses, or at
the very least he minimizes the goodness he received in order that ה ָשּׂע ְתּ ַא פי ֵא ה ָמּ ָל" :פּג ְכּ ,םי ֶר ֵח ֲא ם ֶע תּא ָו ְֶ ַה ךְֹר ֲע ַל פי ֵא םַגּ
he should not be obligated to that person. Chazal label this attitude ,"י ֶנּל ְׁ תֶי ַב ְבּ םי ֶשּׂע ִֶ ּמ ְכּ" ,"י ֶתּח ֲא ּמ ְכּ" ,"י ֶלּ ִֶ א ָמּ ֶא ָה ּמ ְכּ
“ingratitude” \ “turning that goodnes upside down” (borrowing an
expression – like turning a pot upside down), and on occasion he ל ֵדּ ַתּ ְֶ ֶנ :ה ָע ָצּ ַה פֶּ ְל ֶבּ ר ֵבּ ַד ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ א ָלּ ִא .בי ֶל ֲע ַמוּ ַע ֵגּׁ ה ִז י ֶכּ
will even repay good with bad in order to demonstrate that he does .לי ֶעָי ר ֵתּי ה ִזּ ִֶ פ ֵכ ָתֶּי י ֶכּ ,ּז ךְ ִר ִד ְבּ תֹוֹש ֲע ַל
not acknowledge the good done to him. 11
However, the trait of gratitude is the recognition that first the
obligation is on me to acknowledge the totality of good done to me
and appreciate it in all of its detail, and second to give thanks for that
good. That gratitude should be expressed in many different ways, .ג רמאמ
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11. Regarding something ‘bad’ that was once done to the Chatam Sofer ה ָא ָנוֹא - ת ַח ַנ ְבּ אלֹּ ֶשׁ רוּבּ ִדּ
ZT”L, he said – I don’t ever remember doing such a big favor for him
that because of it he repays me with so much “bad.”
12. To acknowledge the truth תודוהל, and to give thanks הדות are two א ָב ָבּ[ א ָר ָמ ְגּ ַה ת ִא רּר ָמ ְכּ "ת ַח ַנ ְבּ" ל ַע אי ֶב ֵמ י ֶנּמיְי ַמ תוֹהָגַּה
expressions that evolve from the same root word. (Rabbi Daniel
Harris) ,"ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ת ַא ָנּא ְבּ רי ֶה ָז ם ָד ָא א ֵהְי ם ָלּע ְל" :]א"ע ט"נ א ָעי ֶצ ְמ
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