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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 4 - Lesson 3 א רמאמ - י ֶֶי ֶל ְֶ ר ִר ִׁ

wife,” meaning - “oppression” does not refer only to words whose ךְי ֶר ָצ הּ ָתּא ם ַגּ ִֶ ,םי ֶֶ ָנ ְל תי ֶע ְב ֶטּ ַה ה ָב ֲה ַא ָה ל ַע ם ַגּ ם ֶָ ר ַמ ֱא ִנ
content hurts his wife, but it also includes the manner in which he
speaks to her, his tone of voice in conversation and the words he .'ה ת ַדּב ֲע ל ִֶ ל ָגּ ְע ַמּ ַל סי ֶנ ְכ ַה ְל
uses to express himself to her. At times those very same words
when expressed calmly and soft-spoken with a smile do not hurt. ס ֵסּ ַב ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ תּל ֲע ַמ וּלּ ֵא ל ַע ט ָרֹפ ְמוּ ר ָבּ ְס ֻמ לי ֵע ְל וֹבָתְּכִמְבּ
So too conduct by the husband which hurts his wife is included in
the category of “oppressive words.” ם ֶה ָל שׁ ֵי ְו ,וֹתי ִר ְבּ ת ֶשׁ ֵא ְו וֹתּ ְר ֶב ֲח אי ִה י ִכּ" .ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ְל ּת ָב ֲה ַא ת ִא

The Rambam continues, “He should not be irritable or angry.” ַחוּׁ ֶט ."הֶזּ ִמ הֶז ַע ֵיּ ַתּ ְס ִנ ְו ַע ֵיּ ַס ְמ ד ָח ֶא ל ָכ ְו ,םי ִפ ָתּ ֻשׁ ְמ םי ִנ ָי ְנ ִע
One must understand what the Rambam means by that since he ֶי ֶא פּז ֲח ַה פ ָר ָמ ל ִֶ ּב ָתּ ְכ ֶמ ְבּ ם ַגּ לי ֵע ְל ר ָבּ ְס ֻמּ ַה תוּפ ָתּ ֻשּׁ ַה
already said the husband’s speech must be soft-spoken which
excludes speaking angrily. Let us examine the Rambam’s words. ה ָשּׁ ֶא ְו ֶי ֶא ל ַע לי ֶטּ ֶה ךְ ַר ָבּ ְתֶי 'ה ,תי ֶד ָד ֲה ה ָב ֲה ַא ְל דּסְי אוּה
The Rambam did not say “with anger,” rather, he said “Do not be ם ִהי ֵדי ֶר ְפ ַתּ .תּנֶּ תּנוּכ ְתּ ם ִה ָל פ ַת ָנ ְו ,םי ֶנֶּ םי ֶדי ֶר ְפ ַת
an angry person,” meaning, he is not addressing the issue of being
angry with his wife, rather, it means that this husband displays ַעֵיּ ַתּ ְס ֶנ ְו ַעֵיּ ַס ְמ ד ָח ִא ל ָכ ְו" - ה ִז ת ִא ה ִז םי ֶמי ֶל ְֶ ַמ ם ִהי ֵתּנוּכ ְתוּ
anger at other people in front of his wife. An atmosphere of anger אי ֶה ם ָתּא ד ֵח ַא ְמ ַה :"םי ֶפ ָתּ ֶֻ ְמ םי ֶנָי ְנ ֶע ם ִה ָל ֵֶי ְו" ."ה ִזּ ֶמ ה ִז
pains his wife even though it is not directed at her, which is the very
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opposite of an atmosphere of pleasantness and tranquility that must ל ִֶ תֶי ַבּ תּנ ְב ֶל 8 ךְ ַר ָבּ ְתֶי 'ה ת ַדּב ֲע - ת ִפ ִתּ ֶֻ ְמ ַה ה ָר ָטּ ַמּ ַה
always reside in the home. ל ָכּ ז ָא ,ּז ת ִפ ִתּ ֶֻ ְמ ה ָר ָטּ ַמ פי ֵא ם ֶא .תֹו ְצ ֶמ םוּיּ ֶר ל ִֶ ְו ה ָרּתּ
Similarly explaining the meaning of “He should not be irritable,” י ֵד ְכּ ד ַע אוּה ּת ָבּט ת ִא ,ּלּ ִֶ םי ֶס ִר ִט ְני ֶא ָה ת ִא ֶ ֵרּדּ ד ָח ִא
the Rambam’s intent was not merely that he should not be upset
at his wife or the running of the household, rather even more than ּתּא י ֶלי ֶב ְֶ ֶבּ הֹ ִש ֲע ַתּ אלֹ ה ָמּ ָל" - י ֶנּצי ֶח תּיּ ֻכ ְז יוּוּ ֶֶ ת ֶַי ֶר ְדּ
that, it means he should not come into his home sad faced, upset ס ַח םי ֶר ֲע ְר ַע ְת ֶמ תֶי ַבּ ַה תּדּסי ֶו "?ךָ ְלי ֶב ְֶ ֶבּ הֹ ָשּע י ֶנ ֲא ִֶ ר ָב ָדּ
and irritated by problems that are going on outside and unrelated to
the house. For example, he is not happy with his learning partner, .םּל ֶָ ְו
or with the amount of learning he managed to cover in that day’s
session, or somebody upset him in his business – because a sad face
on a husband will pain his wife and she is likely to blame herself 
for his dissatisfaction and think that he is not happy to return home
and see her again, and that he does not feel comfortable in his own
home because of her. Yet his wife who is his “home” worked hard
to prepare for him a home where he would feel good and pleased.
“Greeting people with a pleasant attitude” is the opposite of “Do
not be sad faced.” The trait of a pleasant face is the trait that we ז ָא ֵמּ ִֶ ל" ַז ַר ֶוּר ֵׁ וּה ִז )ג"פ דוּמּ ַע י ֶעי ֶב ְר ר ֵא ְבּ ה ָלּגּ ַה ר ֵא ְבּ( ל" ַר ֲה ַמּ ַבּ פֵיּ ַע .10
must acquire for ourselves. 'ה ת ַדּב ֲע ר ַר ִֶ - םי ֶגוּוּ ֶז ג ֵוּ ַז ְל ר ֵסּע ךְ ַר ָבּ ְתֶי 'ה תי ֶֶא ֵר ְבּ י ֵמְי ת ִֶ ֵֶ
.םי ֶדוּגּ ֶנּ ַה ת ִא ד ֵח ַא ְל הּ ָחֹכ ְבּ ת ִפ ִתּ ֶֻ ְמ ה ָר ָטּ ַמ ְכּ
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