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P. 99
Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 3 - Letter from Rabbi Kanievsky ד רמאמ - י ֶעי ֶב ְר ר ִר ִׁ
וּנ ְד ַמ ָל ."ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ת ִא ח ַמֹּ ֶש ְו" ל ִֶ ד ָחֻי ְמ בוּיּ ֶח ֵֶי ר ִֶ ֲא ַכּ ה ָנֶּא ֶר
ג ֵנּ ַע ְת ֶה ְל ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ע ַב ִטּ ִֶ ל" ַצ ַז א"ּז ֲח ַה פ ָר ָמ ל ִֶ ּב ָתּ ְכ ֶמ ְבּ לי ֵע ְל
Chapter 3 ל ַע ת ִל ִכּ ַתּ ְס ֶמ אי ֶה - תּאוּשׂ ְנ ָהי ִני ֵע וי ָל ֵא ְו ,וי ָני ֵע ְבּ הּ ָנּ ֶח ל ַע
.ּלּ ִֶ תּרי ֶא ְמ םי ֶנ ָפ ְל ה ָׁ ַצ ְמוּ ,וי ָנ ָׁ ת ַע ָבּ ַה
An excerpt from a letter written by our master the
Gaon Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky ZT”L . ףּס[ פ ָת ָנ י ֶבּ ַר ְדּ תּב ָא ְבּ ר ַמ ֱא ִנ תּב ָא ל ִֶ ּזּ ַה ה ָנ ְֶ ֶמּ ַה לַע
?ד ַצי ֵכּ .תּפָי םי ֶנ ָׁ ר ִב ֵס ְבּ ם ָד ָא ל ָכּ ל ֵבּ ַר ְמ י ֵו ֱה ִו" :]ג"י ר ִר ִׁ
We will quote here a portion of a letter written by the Gaon Rabbi ,ם ָלּע ָבּ ִֶ תּבּט תּנ ָתּ ַמ ל ָכּ ּר ֵב ֲח ַל ם ָד ָא פ ַת ָנ ם ֶא ִֶ ד ֵמּ ַל ְמ
Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky ZT”L (the Steipler Gaon) – who is the ּל פ ַת ָנ אלֹ וּלּ ֶא ְכּ בוּת ָכּ ַה וי ָל ָע ה ִל ֲע ַמ ,ץ ִר ָא ָבּ םי ֶֶוּב ְכּ וי ָנ ָפוּ
author of the series of sefarim entitled “Kehilot Yaakov” – as he
also addresses the foundations on which a marriage is based; quoted פ ַת ָנ אלֹ וּלּ ֶפ ֲא ,תּפָי םי ֶנ ָׁ ר ִפ ֵס ְבּ ּר ֵב ֲח ל ֵבּ ַר ְמּ ַה ל ָב ֲא .םוּל ְכּ
as follows: תּבּט תּנ ָתּ ַמ ל ָכּ ּל פ ַת ָנ וּלּ ֶא ְכּ בוּת ָכּ ַה וי ָל ָע ה ִל ֲע ַמ ,םוּל ְכּ ּל
Chazal have said in Gemara Yevamot (62b) “Our Rabbis have taught ."ם ָלּע ָבּ ִֶ
– One who loves his wife as he loves his own body, and honors her
more than his own body…regarding this man the text states (Eyyov ּר ֵב ֲח ַל ם ָד ָא פ ֵתּנ תּפָיּ ַה םי ֶנ ָׁ ר ִב ֵס ם ֶע י ֶכּ ?ה ָמּ ָל ךְ ָכּ לָכְו
5:24) “and you should know that your home will be peaceful.” It is
absolutely clear that Chazal’s intent is not for him to love his wife in אי ֶה ה ָנ ָתּ ַמּ ַה .ב ֵל ת ַמוּשׂ ְת ֶל - ּר ֵב ֲח רוּר ָז ה ִז ָל ְו ,ּבּ ֶל ת ִא
the context of the normal physical attraction men have for women, ,רוּר ָז אוּה ה ָמ ְל י ֶר ֵב ֲח ל ַע י ֶתּ ְב ֶַ ָח ִֶ ,ב ֵל ת ַמיֹ ֶש ְל יוּטּ ֶבּ ר ַר
rather their intent in this regard is to love her in the context of loving
friends, partners - as she is his friend and the wife with whom he ת ִא םי ֶנ ְרּר ְמ תּפָי םי ֶנ ָׁ ר ִב ֵס י ֶל ְבּ ל ָב ֲא .ּח ְמּ ַשׂ ְל לּכָי ה ָמוּ
formed a covenant – and they have joint concerns as each one helps ךְ ַדי ֶא ֵמ ."םוּל ְכּ ּל פ ַת ָנ אלֹ וּלּ ֶא ְכּ" - הּ ָדוּעי ֶו הּ ָנ ְכ ָתּ ֶמ ה ָנ ָתּ ַמּ ַה
and is helped by the other. Moreover, this love should also be an
expression of gratitude, that he should imagine in his mind that ר ֶָ ְפ ִא ִֶ ר ֵתּי ְבּ ה ָלּד ְגּ ַה ה ָנ ָתּ ַמּ ַה אי ֶה תּפָי םי ֶנ ָׁ ר ִב ֵס ,א ָסי ֶגּ
if he would not have found a woman to marry and he remained ,"ם ָלּע ָבּ ִֶ תּבּט תּנ ָתּ ַמ ל ָכּ ּל פ ַת ָנ וּלּ ֶא ְכּ" - ת ַלוּזּ ַל רי ֶנ ֲע ַה ְל
alone all of his life, how much pain and suffering and depression
would he experience because he lived his life alone. Because of the .ּבּ ֶל ת ִא ּל םי ֶנ ְתּנ י ֶכּ
woman he married as his wife his life is organized and stable, and
the gratitude and obligation to his wife is tremendous to the point of "ב ָל ָח ֵמ םֶי ַנּ ֶֶ פ ִב ְלוּ" ]ב"י ,ט"מ תי ֶֶא ֵר ְבּ[ רוּס ָׁ ַה ל ַע וֶּ ְר ָדּ ל"ַזרַ
being limitless. Chazal have said in the Mishnah of Rebbe Eliezer תּבּ ֻת ְכּ[ "ב ָל ָח וּה ֵר ְֶ ַמּ ֶמ ר ֵתּי ּר ֵב ֲח ַל םֶי ַנּ ֶֶ פי ֶבּ ְל ַמּ ַה בּט" -
7 chapter “Anyone who denies the good done to him by a friend
th
will in the end deny the good done to him by his Creator.” Please .י ֶר ְמ ָח ד ַע ַסּ ֶמ ר ֵתּי לּד ָגּ ּחֹכּ ד ֵדּע ְמ ַה ךְוּיּ ֶח ַה ,רֹמא ֵל ]ב"ע א"יר
study that reference very carefully, as Chazal were very strict about
this. This is the kind of love that is demanded by Chazal. This .ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ל ִא תוּס ֲחַי ְת ֶה ַה י ֵבּ ַג ְל ף ִרֹתּ ר ִתִי ְבּ םי ֶרוּמ ֲא ה ִלּ ֵא םירִָבְדּ
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