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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 3 - Lesson 1 ד רמאמ - י ֶעי ֶב ְר ר ִר ִׁ
kind of love has nothing to do with physical passion or attraction, .ד רמאמ
rather it is specifically one of the mandatory aspects of man’s good
personality traits which we are obligated to possess. When a person
tries to make his wife happy with this intent both before and after תוֹפ ָי םי ִנ ָפּ ר ֶב ֵס
they have marital relations it is not at all distasteful, G-d forbid,
rather it is a mitzvah! This is so even if it would not be a mandatory
obligation, and all the more so that it is his obligation according to "תּפָי םי ֶנ ָׁ ר ִב ֵס ְבּ ם ָד ָא ל ָכּ ל ֵבּ ַר ְמ י ֵו ֱה ִו ...ר ֵמּא יאַמַּשׁ"
Jewish law. The letter is quoted up until this point. With Hashem’s
help we will try to explain his words. ל ִֶ םי ֶנ ָׁ ם ִה ָל ה ִא ְרַיּ ִֶ" :ה ָנּי וּנ ֵבּ ַר ֶ ֵר ֵׁ( .]ו"ט ,'א תּב ָא[
ר"ומ ר ַמ ָא .)"וּנּ ִמי ֵה ה ָחּנ תּיּ ֶר ְבּ ַה ַחוּר א ֵה ְתּ ִֶ י ֵד ְכּ ,ה ָח ְמֹ ֶש
ר ֵמ ָאֵי ה ִז ר ָמ ֲא ַמּ ִֶ םי ֶׁ ַצ ְמ וּניֶי ָה :ל"צז ר ֵל ְס ִדּ א"אר צ"הגה
י ֶׁ ֶמ אלֹ ְו ,"םּל ֶָ ף ֵדּר ְו םּל ֶָ ב ֵהּא י ֵו ֱה" ר ַמ ָא ִֶ ,ל ֵלּ ֶה י ֶׁ ֶמ
Chapter 3 - Lesson 1 א ָר ְו ַדּ ִֶ פא ָכּ ֶמ םי ֶד ְמּל א ָלּ ִא .פי ֶדּ ַה ת ַדּ ֶמ אי ֶה ּת ָדי ֶמּ ִֶ ,יא ַמּ ֶַ
בָיּ ַח י ֶנ ֲא ִשּׁ ה ַמ ה ִז .'תּפָי םי ֶנ ָׁ ר ִב ֵס' ת ִא ת ִבִיּ ַח ְמ פי ֶדּ ַה ת ַדּ ֶמ
The foundations of love. תּרוּמ ֲח םי ֶנ ָׁ ר ִב ֵס י ֵדְי ל ַע .ּל ַעי ֶגּ ַמ ה ִז י ֶכּ ,ד ָח ִא ל ָכ ְל ת ֵת ָל
1316 .ם ָד ָא י ֵנ ְבּ ר ֵע ַצ ְל לוּל ָע י ֶנ ֲא תּבוּצ ֲע ַו
“It is absolutely clear that Chazal’s intent is not for him to
love his wife in the context of the normal physical attraction ךָי ִנ ָׁ וּי ְהֶי ל ַא" :]ז"נ פ ָמי ֶס[ ֶ"אֹר ָל םיֶיּ ַח תּח ְר ָא ְבּ רַמֱאֶנ
men have for women, rather, to love her in the context of loving
friends.” HaKadosh Baruch Hu in His great mercy instilled within ."םי ֶרי ֶא ְמ םי ֶנ ָפ ְבּ ם ָתּא ל ֵבּ ַר ְו ,םי ֶב ֶָ ְו םי ֶר ְבּע ד ִג ִנ תּמ ֲעּז
mankind compulsions and desires for all of the actions upon which םי ֶנ ָׁ ר ִב ֵס ְבּ ל ֵבּ ַר ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ י ֶנ ֲא י ֶתי ֵב ְל םי ֶא ָבּ ַה ה ִלּ ֵא ת ִא ר ַר אלֹ
his life depends. He has a compulsion to eat – he is hungry, and
he also has a desire to eat because the food he eats is tasty with all וּי ְהֶי י ַנ ָׁ ִֶ ב ֵל םיֹ ֶש ָל ךְי ֶר ָצ י ֶנ ֲא בּח ְר ָבּ י ֶתּ ְכ ִל ְבּ ם ַגּ א ָלּ ִא ,תּפָי
different kinds of flavors. A person has a compulsion to sleep – he !םי ֶב ֶָ ְו םי ֶר ְבּע ָה ת ִא ר ֵע ַצ ְל אלֹּ ִֶ י ֵד ְכּ ,םי ֶרי ֶא ְמ
is tired, and his sleep is also sweet and pleasant to him. If he had
to do these things only because of logic, since they are essential to
life - and not because he had a compulsion for them - most people תּבוּצ ֲע םי ֶנ ָׁ תּא ְר ַה ְל רוּס ָא ִֶ יא ַדּ ַו ,ר ִמֹח ָו ל ַר םירִָבְדַּהְו
would die of starvation and sleep deprivation. ל ֵדּ ַתּ ְֶ ֶה ְל םי ֶכי ֶר ְצ וּנ ָא א ָלּ ִא ,ם" ַבּ ְמ ַר ָה י ֵר ְב ֶד ְכּ ,תֶי ַבּ ַה ךְּת ְבּ
Service to Hashem Yitbarach demands that a person refine these ה ָנ ֶָ ְבּ ט ָר ְפ ֶבּ ,תּרי ֶא ְמוּ תּפָי םי ֶנ ָׁ ר ִב ֵס די ֶמ ָתּ תּא ְר ַה ְל
compulsions and desires and bring them into the cycle of service
to Hashem – to eat and to sleep for the sake of his being healthy
to be able to serve Hashem, as it states in Orach Chayim, section ה ָא ָנּא ֵֶיּ ִֶ ם ֵֶ ְכוּ" :)א"נ פ ָמי ֶס ה ָא ְרֶיּ ַה דוּמּ ַע( םי ֶא ֵרְי ר ִפ ֵס ְבּ ר ַמ ֱא ִנ .16
#231 entitled “All of a person’s intentions should be for the sake of ."ב ֵלּ ַל רוּס ָמּ ִֶ ,םי ֶע ָר םי ֶנ ָׁ ה ִא ְר ַמּ ִֶ ,ע ָר פֶי ַע ְבּ ה ָא ָנּא ֵֶי ,םי ֶר ָב ְד ֶבּ
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