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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 4 - Lesson 4 ירסבינר ברה פרממ בתכמ - י ֶֶי ֶל ְֶ ר ִר ִׁ

demeanor that is upbeat and shining, particularly in the first year of
marriage when there is a specific requirement on the husband “to
make his wife happy.” We learned above in the letter written by
our master the Gaon Chazon Ish ZT”L that it is in the nature of a
woman to take pleasure in the admiration her husband has for her, י ִשׁי ִל ְשׁ ק ֶר ֶפּ
and her eyes look up to him. She watches the expression on his
face and looks forward to his face brightening-up when he sees her.

The Avot De’Rebbe Natan at the end of the 13 chapter comments .ל" ַצַז י ִק ְס ְב ֶי ְנ ַק י"ירגה ן ָר ָמ ב ָתּ ְכ ִמ ךְוֹתּ ִמ ע ַט ֶק
th
on the Mishnah in Pirkei Avot “Greet every person with a pleasant
attitude.” How does one do this? We learn from this that if a
person gives his friend all of the wonderful gifts of the world and ל ֵא ָרֹ ְשֶי בֹר ֲעַי י ֶבּ ַר פּא ָגּ ַה פ ָר ָמ ל ִֶ ּב ָתּ ְכ ֶמ ךְּתּ ֶמ ע ַט ִר איִבָנ
the giver’s face is downcast, the text considers it as though he did
not give him anything. But someone who greets his friend with a אוּה ף ַא ִֶ ,'בֹר ֲעַי תּלּ ֶה ְר' י ֵר ְפ ֶס ר ֵבּ ַח ְמ ל ַע ַבּ ,ל" ַצ ַז י ֶר ְס ְבִי ְנ ַר
pleasant attitude, even if he gave him nothing, the text considers it :וי ָר ָב ְדּ ה ִלּ ֵא ְו .תֶי ַבּ ַה ה ִנ ְב ֶנ פ ִהי ֵל ֲע ִֶ תּדּסְי ַה ל ַע ר ֵבּ ַד ְמ
as though he gave his friend all of the good gifts in the world.
Why is “pleasantness” so very important that it is equated to giving ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ת ִא ב ֵהּא ָה ,פ ָנ ָבּ ַר וּנ ָתּ :]ב"ע ב"ס[ תּמ ָבְי ְבּ ל" ַז ֲח וּרְמָא"
your friend all of the good gifts in the world? Because with a
pleasant attitude a person gives his friend his heart, and that is what ָתּ ְע ַדָי ְו" ר ֵמּא בוּת ָכּ ַה וי ָל ָע ,'וּכ ְו ּפוּגּ ֶמ ר ֵתּי הּ ָד ְבּ ַכ ְמ ַה ְו ,ּפוּג ְכּ
his friend needs – someone to pay attention to him. This gift, a ד ַצּ ֶמ ּתּ ְֶ ֶא בֹה ֱא ִל ל" ַז ֲח ת ַנ ָוּ ַכּ פי ֵא ִֶ רוּר ָבוּ ."ךָ ִל ֳה ָא םּל ֶָ י ֶכּ
pleasant attitude is an expression of paying attention and caring, .םי ֶר ֵב ֲח ת ַב ֲה ַא גוּסּ ֶמ ה ָב ֲה ַא ְל א ָלּ ִא ,םי ֶֶ ָנּ ַל תי ֶע ְב ֶטּ ַה ה ָב ֲה ַא
that I thought about my friend and what he needs, and what I can
do to make him happy. In the absence of a pleasant attitude any ,םי ֶפ ָתּ ֶֻ ְמ םי ֶנָי ְנ ֶע ם ִה ָל ֵֶי ְו ,ּתי ֶר ְבּ ת ִֶ ֵא ְו ּתּ ְר ִב ֲח אי ֶה י ֶכּ
gift is empty and without any value, and it is “as though he did not ת ַר ָכּ ַה ד ַצּ ֶמ ה ָב ֲה ַא ָה פ ֵכ ְו .ה ִזּ ֶמ ה ִז ַעֵיּ ַתּ ְס ֶנ ְו ַעֵיּ ַס ְמ ד ָח ִא ל ָכ ְו
give him anything.” But on the other hand, a pleasant attitude is the
greatest gift one can give to someone, “as though he gave him all of ,פ ִפֹא םוֶּ ְבּ ה ָשּׁ ֶא גי ֶשּׂ ַמ הָי ָה אלֹ וּלּ ֶא ּתּ ְע ַד ְבּ רֵיּ ַצְיּ ִֶ ,ה ָבּט
the gifts of the world” because he is giving him his heart. ל ַע ְו ,ה ִזּ ֶמ ּל הָי ָה וי ָבּא ְכ ַמ ְל ר ַע ַצ ה ָמּ ַכּ ,דוּמ ְל ַגּ ר ָא ְֶ ֶנ הָי ָה ְו

Chazal (in Gemara Ketubot 111b) lectured on the pasuk (in ה ָבּטּ ַה ת ַר ָכּ ַה פַי ְנ ֶע ְו .ּלּ ִֶ םיֶיּ ַח ַה ְבּ ר ָדּ ֻס ְמ אוּה ּתּ ְֶ ֶא י ֵדְי
Beresheet 49:12) “White teeth from milk,” to mean – One who
shows his friend a smile is better than one who gives him milk to 'ז ר ִר ִׁ ר ִז ִעי ֶל ֱא י ֶבּ ַר ת ַנ ְֶ ֶמ ְבּ ל" ַז ֲח ַבוּ .רוּע ֶֶ פי ֵא ְל לּד ָגּ אוּה
drink” – meaning, an encouraging smile is more powerful than any ּת ָבּט ְבּ ר ֵפּכּ ףּסּ ַל ּר ֵב ֲח ל ִֶ ּת ָבּט ְבּ ר ֵפּכּ ַה ל ָכּ ִֶ :וּר ְמ ָא
physical support.
וּבְיּ ֶח ּז ָכּ ה ָב ֲה ַא ל ַע ְו .ה ִז ָבּ דֹא ְמ וּרי ֶמ ְח ִה ִֶ ם ֶָ פֵיּ ַע ְו .ּנּר ל ִֶ
These words apply much more emphatically to a husband’s
relationship with his wife. A warm heartfelt smile and a good word תּדּ ֶמּ ַה ת ַח ַא ֵמ ר ַר ,ל ָל ְכּ ה ָו ֲא ַתּ ַה ת ַדּ ֶמּ ֶמ ּני ֵא ּז ה ָב ֲה ַא ְו ,ל" ַז ֲח
is required from us at all times. If you might ask – “Isn’t it normal הּ ָח ְמּ ַשׂ ְל םי ֶל ְדּ ַתּ ְֶ ֶמּ ִֶ ְכּ ּז ה ָנ ָוּ ַכ ְלוּ .ה ִז ָבּ םי ֶבָיּ ֻח ְמּ ִֶ תּבּטּ ַה

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