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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander
A Peaceful Home
Chapter 2 - Lesson 6
determination as we’ve already said above. The key is “he will make
his wife happy” - to worry over her and shower her with attention
from the goodness of his heart. Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler ZT”L writes
in his book Michtav M’Eliyahu (volume one, beginning on page
37) in the section on Chessed, that love is an outcome of giving.
By “giving” and in acts of Chessed the “giver” becomes joined to
the recipient with bonds of love. The more a person “gives” the
greater is the love that is created between this couple. (This very
fundamental truism which is explained at length in that citation
must be the guiding light in the couple’s relationship).
The things that concern the wife must be relevant to her husband,
meaning, he must show interest in them as though they pertain to
him, and visa-versa, as our master explains further on. When a wife
converses with her husband about the big and small things that
happened to her during her day which concern her he has to give her
his attention as we already explained this above, and when she tells
him what is bothering her he should relate to what she is saying.
It could be that he will see those same things from a different
perspective and he does not view them as being as serious as she
does perhaps because her emotions control her and so those things
create a much greater impression on her than logical judgment
would dictate. Nevertheless, the mere fact that those things bother
her must also weigh on her husband just as the right hand feels the
pain of the left hand (meaning, he cannot simply dismiss the things
that bother her as being trivial). Therefore he must try to cheer her
up and support her out of a true sense that they are partners in life
and he shares her sorrows.
Because a woman’s emotions incline her to mood changes her
husband must support her with patience and tolerance, and hearten
her in all possible ways, as the master said “with words of support
and encouragement that gladden her.”
Particularly during the days of her period a woman is more
emotionally fragile and her limbs weigh heavy on her and
understandably all of this will affect her mood, and at this time she
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רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
ב רמאמ - י ֶנ ֵֶ ר ִר ִׁ
וי ָל ָע ֵֶי י ֶכּ ,ה ָמ ָח ְל ֶמּ ַבּ רֹז ֲע ַל בוּיּ ֶח ל ָכּ ֶמ ּתּא םי ֶר ְר ְח ֶַ ְמ
תֶי ַבּ ַה דוּסֶּי :ל ֵא ָרֹ ְשֶי ל ַל ְכּ םוּיּ ֶר פ ַע ַמ ְל בוֶּ ָח תּח ָׁ אלֹ בוּיּ ֶח
וּד ְרָי ר ִֶ ֲא ַכּ .םי ֶתּ ָבּ ַה ם ֵה ל ֵא ָרֹ ְשֶי ל ַל ְכּ ל ִֶ פָי ְנ ֶבּ ַה י ֵנ ְב ַא !ּלּ ִֶ
םי ֶתּ ָבּ םי ֶע ְב ֶֶ ְכּ ,"וּא ָבּ ּתי ֵבוּ ֶי ֶא" - םֶי ַר ְצ ֶמ ְל ל ֵא ָרֹ ְשֶי י ֵנ ְבּ
תי ֵב ְל ם ָתֹח ְׁ ְֶ ֶמ ְל" :ל ֵא ָרֹ ְשֶי ל ַל ְכּ ה ָנ ְמ ֶנ ךְ ָכ ְו ,םֶי ַר ְצ ֶמ ְל וּא ָבּ
ל ִֶ ּנ ְס ָח אוּה תֶי ַבוּ תֶי ַבּ ל ָכּ תוּמ ֵל ְֶ .]'ב ,'א ר ָבּ ְד ֶמּ ַבּ[ "ם ָתֹב ֲא
י ֶר ָנ" - ה ָנֶּא ֶר ָה ה ָנ ָשּׁ ַה ת ִא ֶי ֶד ְר ַה ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ פ ֵכ ָל !ל ֵא ָרֹ ְשֶי ם ַע
.תֶי ַבּ ַה תוּמ ֵל ְֶ ת ִא תּנ ְב ֶל - "ת ַח ַא ה ָנ ֶָ ּתי ֵב ְל הִי ְהֶי
םֶי ַמ ר ֵׁ ַס ְל רֹז ֲעַי ם ָשּׁ ֶמוּ ,ּתי ֵב ְבּ ב ֵֵֶי אלֹ ה ָמּ ָל - ל ַא ְֶ ֶתּ םִאְו
אוּה - לי ֶג ָר ָכּ וי ָר ָס ֲע ַבּ ה ָנֶּא ֶר ָה ה ָנ ָשּׁ ַבּ ר ֵסּע י ֵר ֲה ,פּז ָמוּ
ה ָרּתּ ַה ִֶ אי ֶה ה ָבוֶּ ְתּ ַה .וי ָרוּסּ ֶע ר ָא ְֶ ֶל ְו ל ֵלּכּ ַה ל ִא ךְ ֵלּה
פ ֵנ ְכ ַת ְל ל ַכוּיּ ִֶ י ֵד ְכּ ,י ֶרוּבּ ֶצ בוּיּ ֶח וי ָל ָע לי ֶטּ ַה ְל ה ָת ְצ ָר אלֹ
ת ִא ח ַמֹּ ֶש ְו - וי ָל ָע ל ָטּ ֻמּ ַה לּד ָגּ ַה בוּיּ ֶח ַל ם ֵא ְת ִה ְבּ וי ָרוּסּ ֶע ת ִא
."ה ָבּח" - ֶ"י ֶא פּז ֲח ַה פ ָר ָמ ת ֶַ ָגּ ְד ַה י ֶהּז .ּתּ ְֶ ֶא

.ב רמאמ
?הּ ָח ְמּ ַשׂ ְמ ד ַצי ֵכּ
י ֵדְי ל ַע ,"ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ת ִא ח ַמֹּ ֶש ְו" אי ֶה ה ָנֶּא ֶר ָה ה ָנ ָשּׁ ַה תַדוֹבֲע
אי ֶה ה ָמ - "?הּ ָח ְמּ ַשׂ ְמ ד ַצי ֵכּ" .תֶי ַבּ ַה ת ִא םי ֶנּבוּ םי ֶד ְסַּי ְמ ה ִז
דּסְי ַה - דּסּ ַה ת ִא וּנ ָל ה ִלּ ַג ְמ א"ּז ֲח ַה פ ָר ָמ ?תאֹזּ ַה ה ָדּב ֲע ָה
ה ָכי ֶר ְצּ ִֶ ,ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה י ֵׁ ַל ְכּ תוּס ֲחַי ְת ֶה ַה ְו תוּג ֲה ַנ ְת ֶה ַה - י ֶר ָקּ ֶע ָה
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