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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה # 2808
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
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and easy answers and don’t want to apply themselves patiently.
Because of the climate of luxury \ self-gratification – which to our
great dismay is prevalent even in our circles to a certain degree – we
have become accustomed to comfort and easy solutions and are not
prepared to endure and suffer in silence until with time they will find
a satisfactory solution. If a young couple has everything it needs
served to them on a silver platter it only serves to enlarge their ego
(“I deserve everything”); it limits their will to do something purely
for the sake of their spouse and their readiness to compromise
diminishes even when they are really in the right. Because of these
reasons it is so important today to give instruction before marriage
as experience has proven that with the help of Hashem Yitbarach
this will result in a great benefit.

First before anything else the purpose of this essay is to demonstrate
the ways by which a person can educate himself as he approaches
the elevated goal of establishing a home that is harmonious and
happy - a marriage relationship that is complete. Don’t expect a
treasure trove of good solutions from this essay, that if such and
such a problem arises, do ‘this’ and your problem will be solved. We
should understand clearly that a majority of issues of Shalom Bayit
stem from a person's nature, his character habits and his personality.
That being so, the source of the solution originates from improving
his nature, his character traits and his personality. Obviously it is
not easy to change, but that is our life’s-task, as was said by the
Gra ZT”L (Ehven Shlomo 1:1-2) “All of a person’s entire service
to Hashem is contingent on perfecting his character traits…and all
sins have their roots in character traits…the main life’s-purpose of
a person is to constantly strive to improve his character traits, and if
not – what is the purpose of his life?!”

From the very outset we will say that the great majority of the
responsibilities and the attitude in a relationship between a husband
and his wife are the very same interpersonal qualities and mitzvot
that are appropriate between a man and his fellow Jew, except that
here in this relationship between husband and wife they are not
merely proper but rather they are in the category of the mandatory
obligations of a husband to his wife, as will be explained further

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