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wife about her husband’s illness. Otherwise, their marriage is a me- confusion over you, tuberculosis, and fever from destruction of the
kach ta’us. eyes and anguish of the soul.” Rashi writes, in the name of the Sages
Even though the blemish here is not the actual damage caused by that “destruction of the eyes and anguish of the soul” implies that your
the illness but rather the public impression of it, the illness is still eyes will grow weak from waiting for the illness to be eased and cured.
halachically considered a blemish. As the Rambam (Hilchos Mechirah Ultimately he will not be cured and the family will be anguished by
15:5) writes, and as is cited in the Shulchan Aruch (Choshen Mishpat his death. Rashi goes on to explain that anytime that one does not
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#232:6), “…whatever people in a country agree is a blemish which achieve his desire, or yearns for something for a long time, that is
warrants retracting on a business deal or a marriage.” Therefore, if called “destruction of the eyes.”
people are deterred by this illness, then a marriage of this sort would We learn from this that the prolonged expectation of finding their
be considered a mistaken transaction. However, if the medication is son is a form of evil of its own. It would be better for the family if the
effective to the point that he has no epileptic seizures whatsoever, patient died immediately without causing them anguish and “destruc-
then perhaps it is not considered a blemish. Even though if he stopped tion of the eyes.” (as explained in Rabbenu Bachya).
taking the medication he would have seizures, he does not suffer from We cause them great pain by not informing them of their son’s
seizures since he is able to take his medication. death. Once we inform them, they can accept consolations, while so
My father-in-law thought that, in spite of all this, it is proper to long as they have hope that he is alive, they will not be consoled. As
tell the woman that her husband had an illness similar to epilepsy Rashi explains (Bereishis 37:35), this is the reason why Yaakov Avinu
at the time of their marriage. She could then reaccept his kiddushin did not accept consolations for his son Yosef. It is decreed that one
due to the doubt or express her acceptance of the blemish so that the will forget a deceased person, but not a living person.
marriage becomes valid retroactively. Perhaps this applies to our case. If the parents are unaware that
Indeed, even if the disease has not really passed, it is enough to in- their son is blind, perhaps one should not tell them, just as one does
form her in the afore-mentioned way. It is a great principle in shiddu- not tell the daughters about the death of their father.
chim that one does not need to provide all the details of the blemish, However, if they realize that blindness is a possibility, and they are
but only to state that the proposed match has a specific illness. The hoping and waiting to hear that he is healthy, it is not for their benefit
person can then look into the details on his own. If he does not do to withhold the information. The false expectation and state of doubt
so, we say that he accepted the blemish. As explained in the Chafetz will cause them tremendous heartache. Therefore, one should imme-
Chaim (Hilchos Issurei Rechilus, Principle 9), one does not reveal to a diately inform them of the truth.
bride that her groom is deficient in his Torah knowledge, because she When I asked my father-in-law, Rav Y. S. Elyashiv zt”l, he said that
should have looked into that on her own. there is a difference between the case of a missing person, where the
The knowledge that her husband was ill and that the illness was correct thing to do is inform the family, and the case in question.
serious enough to require a new kiddushin should be enough to In the case of the missing soldier it is an act of chessed to inform
arouse the woman to investigate his health extensively. (In fact if she the family that their son was killed, in order to save them from the
demands detailed and accurate information, it is forbidden to hide state of limbo described above. Furthermore, their anguish over the
it from her.) Naturally she will want to know the exact nature of the fact that their son is missing is not much less than the anguish of
illness and its future repercussions. hearing that he was killed. A captive soldier in the hands of the enemy
Therefore, when we give her the information and she is able to fully is sometimes wounded and tortured, and often better off dead than

84 1 Medical-HalacHic Responsa of Rav ZilbeRstein Parents Gave Birth to a Blind Child 2 113