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alive. Therefore, learning of his death will not cause them so much being that the patient in question is highly functional and involved in
more sorrow. One must also reckon with the possibility that if they many important projects, that he has a mild case. It is also logical that
are not informed responsibly, they will hear about it suddenly and the disease is not hereditary, and since the chances of transmission
their lives will be endangered by the shock. 4 do not pass the 10% mark, it is considered a small chance with which
These reasons do not apply in our case of the blind baby. On the we need not concern ourselves. Thus the marriage is not a mistaken
contrary, for a number of reasons one should not reveal this imme- transaction and there is no need to inform his wife about his illness.
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diately after the birth. Doing so is liable to cause the mother to fall Moreover, being that there are medications nowadays, and espe-
into a depression. She will suddenly be faced with the realization cially in light of Prof. Shofar’s words, perhaps the matter has changed,
that she toiled for naught, binging a blind child, who is considered as and as long as the medication is effective, there is no question of a
dead, into the world. All her hopes and dreams of having a healthy mistaken transaction. This matter requires further study.
child were quashed. She resembles a man who toiled and plowed and
planted and fertilized and pruned, and a blast came and destroyed it In this case I told the parents that even if their son-in-law is ill,
all. This person’s teeth will become weak from the knowledge that all his disease is probably very mild. Proof of this is that although they
his work was for nothing. As cited in the rebuke in the Torah (Rashi, have been married for several years, the daughter has not discovered
Vayikra 26:20) this is a form of punishment. it. This is probably because the medication works and the illness is
Telling her a little later is very different. The disappointment is not controlled. Therefore, since they are happily married with a healthy
as great, because she has already healed from the pain and suffering of child, and who knows if and when their daughter would find a second
mate, it is best that they, as her parents, do nothing. They should not
the birth. On the contrary, the mother has already become attached even tell their daughter that her husband is ill, so as not to mar her
to her son and they have formed a bond of love. As it says in Tractate happiness. His illness will not affect his day-to-day functioning and
Kesubos (61a) and in the Rambam (Hilchos Ishus 21:13), if a woman
wants to nurse her son but her husband does not want her to do he will lead a normal life. With Hashem’s help, the parents accepted
my advice. Being that they did, we can now claim further that if their
so, because he is afraid she will lose her beauty, then even if she has daughter knew her parents had consented, bedieved, to the marriage,
several maidservants we allow her to nurse her child, because it would she would certainly have consented as well, especially since her hus-
be painful for her to separate from him. band is exceptionally talented. Therefore, we can rule leniently that it
We see from here how nursing and fondling a baby create a bond is permissible to keep his illness hidden from her, since she is happily
between mother and son, making it difficult for the mother to leave married to him. This is especially so nowadays when we have effective
her child. Therefore, it is an act of kindness to allow this bond to medication that can prevent him from having seizures altogether.
form before informing the mother that her son is blind. When she
then hears about it, she will accept it as though she was informed that I explained my view to my father-in-law, Rav Y. S. Elyashiv zt”l,
she herself is blind, and her bond to her child will not be severed. On and he said the following:
the other hand, if she is told immediately about her son’s blindness, One needs to look into public opinion regarding this illness. Peo-
we introduce a rift between them. She may see him as a burden, and ple were always very afraid of this disease and were shaken to witness
remain disappointed and embittered, causing both her and her son an epileptic seizure, with frothing at the mouth. People were more
great suffering. frightened of epilepsy than of any other illness, even mental illness.
How strong is the bond formed between mother and son through If these are the facts nowadays as well, then one must tell the young
114 1 Medical-HalacHic Responsa of Rav ZilbeRstein Epilepsy 2 83
