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1 AnsweR to Question 1 investigate the illness, then if she agrees to stay married to him, it is
clear that she accepts his blemish fully. This is especially true since
In order to answer the first question, we have to clarify what is really she has experienced married life with him with no apparent problems
better for the parents. Are they better off knowing immediately, or is at all. This is what I understood from the words of my father-in-law.
it better to leave them in doubt for as long as possible? My father-in-law also said that since she was told that he once had
Let us describe a similar question. epilepsy and is now cured, the issue of public opinion and fear of the
It says in the Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh De’ah #402:12) that if a person disease is no longer an issue, since people are not usually deterred by
is unaware that one of his close relatives died, there is no obligation the disease once it was cured. As far as the illness itself there is also no
to tell him, even if it was his father or mother who died. As it says, problem, since it was truthfully cured by the medications.
“He who speaks libel is a fool.” [The source for this rule is the Gemara
(Mo’ed Katan 21). The Aruch Hashulchan (ibid, 14) cites additional 1 SuMMaRy and Conclusions
proof from what is written in Tractate Nazir (44a): It happened that
the father of Rav Yitzchak died in Ginzak and they only told him It is proper to tell the woman that her husband suffers from epilepsy.
after three years.] However, if the person asks about his relative, one If she is not told, it is probably not a sin and perhaps there is no
should not lie and say that he is alive. As it says (Shemos 23:7), “Keep erroneous transaction.
far away from a false matter.” Nonetheless, the custom is to notify the
male sons, so that they say Kaddish. There is no custom, however, to
notify the daughters of the deceased.
There is a question on what the halacha would be in regard to in-
forming a family that their son, who was missing in action and whose Telling a potential Bride that a Young Man had
fate was unknown, was finally found dead. Should one inform his his Left Testicle Removed or That His Father is
mother and his daughters? [His father and sons should certainly be not Jewish
told so that they will recite the Kaddish.] Perhaps it would be better
not to say anything? As is well known, it is prohibited for a eunuch to marry a Jewish
The two sides of the argument are as follows: Perhaps the halacha woman. There was once a young man who had his left testicle re-
that one is not to inform the family only applies if they think he is moved because of an illness. He is permitted by our Sages to marry
alive and well. But if they know that he is missing and they are hoping a Jewish woman since Rabbenu Tam (Yevamos 75a, Tosfos s.v. she’ein
to find him alive, the worry and anticipation is extremely painful for lo) and Sefer Haterumah permit the marriage if he has one testicle.
them. This pain will be eased if they are informed that he was killed. Moreover, the view of the Rambam (Hilchos Issurei Bi’ah 16:9) is that
On the other hand, perhaps it is better that they remain in doubt all one who is a eunuch, as a result of illness is permitted to marry a
their lives, rather than hear that their son was killed. Even if they will Jewish woman. [See Responsa Divrei Malkiel (Vol. 3 #90), who writes
eventually hear about the tragedy, we deal with each misfortune as it that it is permitted for a woman to marry such a man because it is a
arises. mitzvah to find him a wife to save him from sinning.]
It seems to me that we can answer this question from the rebuke The young man came and asked the Steipler whether or not he is
written in the Torah (Vayikra 26:16), where it says: “And I will appoint obligated to tell a potential wife about his condition, for two reasons:
112 1 Medical-HalacHic Responsa of Rav ZilbeRstein Epilepsy 2 85
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