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are overwhelming that she will not repeat her act. It is considered
as if the illness has passed, and the groom will not suffer from it in
the future. Therefore, it resembles what is explained in the Shulchan
Aruch (Choshen Mishpat #232:5): if an object is repaired leaving no
trace of its defect, it is considered a passing defect and the buyer can-
not change his mind.
Even though if the boy knew that she had attempted to kill her-
self, he would refuse to become engaged to her, there is still reason to
argue that she is not obligated to reveal her past. It says in Tractate
Yevamos (45a) that the son of a Jewish mother and a gentile father
sought Rav Yehudah’s advice. How was he to find a mate, when Jew-
ish girls refused to marry him? Rav Yehuda told him to go to a place
where his background would not be known, and to marry a Jewish
woman there. How could Rav Yehudah advise this man to deceive
people? [This question is strengthened all the more since the Kiryas
Sefer holds that deception, especially in matchmaking, is a violation
of the Torah prohibition of “You shall not wrong your fellowman”
(Vayikra 25:17)]
The Kehillos Yaakov answers (Yevamos #44): Since matchmaking
is as difficult as splitting the Red Sea, and when both sides agree to
marry there is great rejoicing, a defect not severe enough to warrant a
divorce is not viewed as a serious blemish, and there is no obligation
to reveal it. Even though no Jewish women would initially marry a
man whose father is a gentile, once married, she would not ask for a
divorce. Therefore, the young man is not obligated to reveal is origins
(unless explicitly asked, in which case he would be forbidden to lie).
So, too, in our case, since the physicians say that there is an over-
whelming chance that she will not repeat her act of attempted suicide,
she is not obligated to reveal her history. Once married, her husband
will not want to divorce her. Moreover, everyone has defects and he
too, did not reveal everything about himself.
A similar case is described in Orchos Rabbenu (Vol. 1, p. 270): There
was a case of a young man who was brought a potential mate. He met
her but she refused the match. After some time, he lost his mind and
was unbalanced for two years. Four years later the match was suggest-
30 1 Medical-HalacHic Responsa of Rav ZilbeRstein
loan to he who is physically present before him. Perhaps, since it says 2
“Do not ignore your flesh and blood” (Yeshayah 58:7), he is obligated
to worry about him, even though he is not here yet. This requires
further study.
The Shulchan Aruch (Even Ha’ezer #44:4) writes that if one mar-
ries a woman and then discovers that she is sterile and unable to bear
children, then according to some poskim, she is not sanctified to him.
If so, we would be obligated to tell the girl about her condition, so that
she not violate the prohibition of deception. Nonetheless, this is not
so, since, so long as she herself is unaware that she is lacking ovaries,
she would not be violating the prohibition of deception. Therefore, it
seems that one should not tell her about her situation.
However, my father-in-law, Rav Y. S. Elyashiv zt”l, ruled, that one
should hint or allude to her condition, for several reasons:
1. Due to her condition, this girl is like a stumbling block to the
public. It would be right to try to prevent someone from making
the mistake of marrying her, even though the young man is not
yet in the picture. Since the young woman is ready for marriage,
this will certainly happen in the near-future.
2. By hinting to her about her condition we can prevent a future
tragedy if she marries someone unsuitable. Her pain then will
be much greater than it is now.
Therefore, one should tell her that she may have problems bearing
children and it is thus preferable that she marry a man who already
has children.
However, if there is clearly a possibility that even this careful-
ly-worded warning will cause her to commit suicide or to mentally
collapse, then it is absolutely forbidden to tell her. One cannot sacri-
fice one life to save another.
1 AnsweR to Question 1
All this relates to the young lady. In relation to the young man, if he is
sterile, his situation is worse than the young woman who is infertile.
Telling a patient that he is sterile 2 39