Page 45 - Kindness - No Forward

Ask the Right Questions

Ineffective questioning can cause people we’re communicating with to
become defensive. Questions which imply a judgment is being made or
that indicate idle curiosity are rarely taken positively by the other person.

Effective questions involve an attitude of interest and support. They in
essence say, “I am asking questions due to my interest in your topic and
my desire to support your endeavors.”

A judgment-sounding question like “Are you going to use ALL that paper?”
becomes much more supportive when it is expressed as “Do you need
more paper?”

It is amazing how often disagreements begin because a question was
asked that was perceived as judgmental or critical by the listener.

“Are you working late again tonight?” might better be phrased “Do you
know what time you’ll get home?”

People are more apt to answer questions when they are asked in and
empathetic way that doesn’t make then fell like they’re facing an inquisition
or on trial.

Here are some several proven questioning techniques which I have found
to be extremely effective:

Summary questions:
• “So what I’m hearing is…”
• “As I understand what you’re saying…”

Probing questions:
• “What else should I be aware of?”
• “Tell me more.”
• “Why is that?”

Empathy statements:
• “I can see that this means a lot to you.”
• “I sense you are feeling…”
• “I understand how you feel.”