Page 127 - Gan's Family History

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regarding what to do and what not to
do, when to play and when to rest. A
child brought up in this way needs
no physical punishment when he
grows bigger.
Praise the child when he
deserves. Do not praise him when
you ought to talk to him seriously. Do
not laugh it away when you ought to
give him a dressing-down. Otherwise
the child may misunderstand you or
get confused. If his bad behaviour
becomes a habit, then it may be too
late to change him. Habit is second
nature. By the time a bad habit is
already formed, even physical
punishment may not avail. Your
punishment will only cause
resentment in the child. Such a child
is bound to have trouble when he
grows up.
There are times when physical
punishment is necessary in child
education. Those who say that they
cannot bear to punish the child
actually do him more harm than
good. Some parents argue that they
do not punish the child because they
do not want the child to lose self-
respect. But let me ask you: "If a
person is sick, would you withhold
medicine from him because the pills
are bitter?" Parents who punish the
child by no means take any pleasure
in doing so. It is only because they
have no option but to take such stem
measures under the circumstances.
The worst thing is to punish the child
after you have spoiled him.
Education, by my definition, is
not of much use to a genius or an
idiot. It is meant for the average
child.
Family Relationship
There are three fundamental human
relationships. First there is the
relationship between husband and
wife; next comes that between
parents and children, and then that
between brothers and sisters. All
other relationships are based on
these three.
What is the ideal relationship
between a father and his child? It is
love mixed with respect and affection
coupled with dignity. A father loves
his child and at the same time, he
should command respect from him.
He loves his child but maintains a
degree of dignity. Only love combined
with dignity can inspire filial piety in
the child.
Confucius said that a father
should keep a proper distance from
his own son. Without a proper
distance, it may not be easy to foster
a relationship in which a father loves
the child and the child cherishes a
filial devotion to the father. Over-
intimacy may cause the child to
slight the father. Therefore the father
should preferably not share the same
room with the child.
It is advisable that a father does
not teach his own son. Certain
things such as sex education are
better taught by others rather than
the parents.
The teacher can demand the
student to work hard. He is supposed
to show anger if the student does not
behave. But if a father gets angry
with his child, the child may think
that though his father teaches him to
behave, yet he himself does not
practice what he teaches. This may
lead to estrangement, and nothing is