Page 6 - Luke AFB Thunderbolt 3-25-16

March 25, 2016
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Parents can’t be in the trunk
by
JAMES YANG-HELLEWELL
WK0HGLFDO2SHUDWLRQV6TXDGURQ have a sense of their own competency.
April is focused on the child; Month
of the Military Child and abuse pre-
vention. It is also a good time to focus
on the goal of good parenting.
Several questions parents might
ask are: Into what sort of adult do I
want my child to grow? Is parenting
just about good behavior? Or, do I
want my child simply to be happy,
loving, respectful, fulfilled or all of
the above?
Parenting strategies often focus
on “managing” children’s behavior or
getting children to do what we want
them to do. We want them to take
a bath, eat their dinner, clean their
room, stop fighting with siblings,
cease the tantrums, study and make
good grades, and when they are older,
drive responsibly, hang out with the
right kids, not use drugs or not drink
alcohol underage. And for goodness
sake, do not get arrested.
But is it possible to manage and
control our children, to have them
do what we want? In the short run,
the answer is certainly “yes.” When
they are young we can employ time-
outs, corporal punishment, taking
privileges, forbid this and that. Such
strategies work in the short term.
But when our children are older,
these tactics do not work as well. It
is much more difficult to manage a
teenager or young adult. By the time
our children are older, parents prefer
that children make their own good
decisions, without coercion.
NEWS
Let’s begin with the simple as-
sumption that we want our children
to grow to be responsible adults who
their consequences. Give children the
The first step to that goal is to
allow our children to be responsible
and competent at an early age. Our
best strategy as parents is to avoid
being “helicopter parents,” parents
who swoop down and solve every one
of our children’s problems, intervene
in every dilemma or fix every situa-
tion. As parents, we believe that this
is our role. But it is not. Our role is to will get back to you.”
guide and coach our children to take
responsibility, think about their own
situation and come up with their own
solutions, with empathic and loving
guidance.
Parents need to ask themselves
when confronted with their chil-
dren’s demands, complaints or needs,
“Whose problem is it? Is it my prob-
lem as a parent, or is it my child’s
problem?” One of the most powerful
statements a parent can use is, “I’m
so sorry. What do you think you are
going to do about that?” And when
our children come up blank, we ask,
“Would you like some suggestions?”
Resist the temptation to lecture and
harangue.
Another principle is to allow chil-
dren to make mistakes. We all know
we learned more from our mistakes
than from other people’s advice and
lectures. We should ask ourselves,
as parents, “Is this a safe, allowable
mistake?” Will our children learn
more from the temporary discomfort,
embarrassment and inconvenience
than from our instruction, lecture
and intervention?
Also, give children choices, even in
space to think about and decide on
consequences. And, if we as parents
don’t know what those consequences
are going to be, take some time to
walk away, think about it and get
back to the child. The idea that con-
sequences need to be immediate to
be effective is a myth. Simply say;
“I don’t know what I am going to do
right now, but I will do something. I
And most importantly, stop argu-
ing. Refuse to argue. Remember,
arguments are more about power
than logic. Take back your power by
refusing to enter the argument arena.
Parents need only respond with, “I
love you too much to argue.”
The bottom line is this, we all need 3,400 U.S. Armed Forces veterans last year, which com-
to be responsible and make our own
decisions. And by experiencing peri-
odic failures, we learn. And as we get
better at this process, we feel more
competent. This is true for our chil-
dren also. Our children can make de-
cisions, make mistakes, learn and get
better at the process at an early age.
We are not always going to be
around. When your child gets older
and needs to decide whether or not to
get in a car where the driver and pas-
sengers are drinking, we, as parents,
are not going to be in the trunk, ready
to get out and rescue them.
If we love our children, and we
know that love is unquestionable, we
need to give our children the space to
grow, develop, decide, make mistakes
and be responsible and competent.
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AAFES Exchange named
‘Best for Vets’ employer
DALLAS – The Army & Air Force Exchange Service has
been named a ‘Best for Vets’ employer for the third straight
year by Military Times.
The designation recognizes the Exchange as having
a company culture and policies that cater to military
veterans. The Exchange was also named a Best for Vets
employer in 2014 and 2015.
“We value the talent, skillset and unique perspectives
veterans bring to the Exchange and this award reaffirms
our commitment to our core value of ‘family serving fam-
ily,’” said Leigh Roop, Exchange executive vice president
and chief human resources officer. “It’s about giving back
not only through providing great products and services,
but to provide career opportunities to those who sacrifice
so much to protect our freedoms. It’s the least we could do.”
In 2015, the Exchange made nearly 1,300 new hires of
veterans. In addition, the organization employed more than
prised 10 percent of the organization’s overall workforce.
Sightline Media Group, which encompasses Military
Times, Army Times, Navy Times, Air Force Times and
Marine Corps Times, based the rankings on a more than
90-question analysis of a company’s efforts to connect with
veterans and provide an environment for their success. The
Exchange ranked No. 54 on this year’s list.