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F ORUM FORUM | EASTERN HORIZON 53

the immeasurable loving-kindness, a member of the opposite gender them from their constraints and
immeasurable compassion, etc. can evoke sexual lust. A mother limitations. The same is the case
Each one of us has given rise to all once reported that she couldn’t here with mettā. We need to look
of the attitudes in the first group send mettā to her children because deep into the basis of our practice.
on several occasions even in this memories of their disobedience On what ground is one generating
very life. However, it would be evoked anger instead. Lust and loving-kindness towards one’s own
extraordinary for any one of us anger are the two enemies of mettā. spouse or children? Is it primarily
to have generated genuine forms just because they are related to you
of any one of those in the second Worldly loving-kindness cannot or because of a much deeper reality
group, considering that these states qualify as genuine mettā because of who they are as individuals? Has
require certain technical criteria, it is mixed with expectations and any element of exaggeration crept
such as that of having a dhyāna attachments. The best way to into the perception of who they are?
(meditative stabilization) for their check if attachment is involved is Is there any string attached to one’s
mental base. Of course, we can all that you will feel disappointed, act of love, such as an expectation
strive for them in the meantime frustrated, or upset if your “mettā” in return, or is it driven by a sense
and train in some aspects of them. has not brought the desired effects. of one’s civil responsibility toward
Also, the practice of loving kindness Any form of attachment results in them and an appreciation of their
is not the same as the practice of suffering (2nd and 1st Noble Truth), rightful expectation from you,
equanimity. Cultivating the sense whereas genuine mettā does not. upon the foundation of loving-
of impartiality is the practice of kindness for them? If one sincerely
equanimity, and this equanimity Min Wei: In fact, true loving- wants to care for one’s spouse or
forms the basis for practicing all the kindness should avoid self-interest children, one should take a more
rest of the immeasurable attitudes, and attachment. Loving-kindness realistic approach and ask if it is
including loving kindness. is the wish for others to be happy. attachment or mettā. Attachment is
That sounds easy, but it is supposed generally blind or fabricating, and
The practice of the immeasurable to include everyone, not just our short-sighted and narrow-minded,
attitudes involves addressing the friends and people we know. When whereas loving-kindness is less
manifest and explicit feelings of we cultivate loving-kindness, we clouded, far-sighted, and spacious.
anger, attachment, apathy, and are trying to extend it, first to all Looking into these can open our
jealousy, dealing with the grosser the people we love, then to the eyes to not just the possibility, but
ones first, gradually working people we feel neutral about, and even to the sensibility of engaging
through to the less intense ones. eventually to the people we dislike. with mettā, not attachment, towards
While restraining strong and Therefore, only when we able to our loved ones.
blinding afflictions to ones’ in-group cultivate till this immeasurable
or out-group, one could attend to the level, then it can be considered as The goal of mettā meditation is to
needs of one’s spouses and children, practicing loving-kindness. cultivate kindness to all beings,
etc. more effectively, creatively, including oneself and one’s
and realistically out of a sense of Loving-kindness is a practice of family. What is the goal of the
responsibility and dutiful care. cultivating understanding, love, and other three sublime qualities of
compassion by looking deeply, first compassion (Skt./Pāli, karuṇā),
If one practices mettā towards for ourselves and then for others. If joy (Skt./Pāli, muditā), and
one’s own spouse or children, how you are not capable in generating it equanimity (Skt., upekṣā/Pāli,
do we ensure that it is mettā, and towards yourself, it is very difficult upekkhā)?
not attachment, that will arise? for you to take care of others. In the
Is it possible to differentiate it Buddhist teaching, it is very clear Aggacitta: The object of mettā is
during our practice? that to love oneself is the foundation beings in general. Compassion is for
to love all other beings. suffering beings, sympathetic joy for
Aggacitta: It depends on what you Dadul: Actually, in the case of all of beings who are happily successful,
mean by practice. If it’s just at the the four immeasurable attitudes, and equanimity for all beings who
mental level, the Visuddhimagga one needs to seek the aid of are subject to the vicissitudes of life.
cautions that radiating mettā to wisdom in refining them or freeing