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FACE TO FACE | EASTERN HORIZON 21

Venerable Haemin very kindly responded to questions strong relationships with others but also letting go of
that Benny Liow had asked him regarding the worries about ourselves. How do we cultivate positive
motivation for his first two books, how one can have relationships with others and let go of our worries?
peace, happiness and contentment living in the modern
world, and his many noble projects such as the School of Cultivating positive relationships with others begins
Broken Hearts to benefit other sentient beings. with letting go of our worries, particularly in the
context of how we perceive others view us. A common
Benny: You have written two books, Love for misconception is that people are constantly judging us,
Imperfect Things and The Things You Can See when in fact, most individuals are preoccupied with
Only When You Slow Down, which have become their own thoughts and concerns. By recognizing this,
international bestsellers. What was the motivation we can begin to relax and live authentically, freeing
behind each of the two books? ourselves from the burden of seeking approval.

Haemin: My primary motivation for writing these books When we find ourselves caught up in negative emotions
was to help readers cultivate a sense of acceptance or self-doubt, it’s essential to take a step back and
and happiness in their lives. Through many Dharma observe those feelings without judgment. Rather
talks and discussions with individuals facing everyday than identifying with our worries, we can view them
struggles, I became aware of the widespread issues that as passing clouds in the sky of our consciousness.
affect people. Many often feel torn between their desire This shift in perspective allows us to detach from our
to live authentically and the expectations imposed worries, leading to a more peaceful state of mind.
by family and society. This internal conflict can lead
to significant stress and dissatisfaction. Additionally, Moreover, nurturing positive relationships requires
I noticed that people frequently grapple with the us to embrace both our strengths and weaknesses.
challenges of human relationships, which can be a Often, when we struggle to accept certain aspects of
source of immense stress. ourselves, we project that dissatisfaction onto others,
criticizing them for traits we find challenging within
In Love for Imperfect Things, I sought to illuminate the ourselves. Accepting our imperfections enables us to
importance of embracing our flaws and recognizing accept others more fully. By fostering self-compassion
that imperfection is a part of the human experience. I and understanding, we create an environment where
wanted to offer practical insights rooted in Buddhist genuine connections can flourish. Ultimately, when we
spirituality that are accessible to everyone, regardless of cultivate peace within ourselves, we open the door to
their background. My goal was to provide readers with harmony in our relationships.
tools to navigate their challenges, encouraging them to
accept themselves and their circumstances. Admitting that we are imperfect can feel like we are
accepting defeat. How do we ensure that we have
In The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, I the right understanding of our imperfections?
delved into the concept of mindfulness and the profound
impact of slowing down in our fast-paced lives. I aimed Admitting our imperfections does not equate to
to share how taking time to reflect can lead to greater accepting defeat; rather, it is a profound step toward
awareness and inner peace. Ultimately, both books self-acceptance and personal growth. We are inherently
are about empowering individuals to find happiness imperfect, and learning to appreciate this truth can
and connection by addressing common struggles and liberate us from the constant feeling of inadequacy. Many
fostering a deeper understanding of themselves. of us internalize criticism from caregivers during our
formative years, which can lead to harsh self-judgment
In Love for Imperfect Things, you wrote that the path even in adulthood. This self-criticism often persists long
to happiness and peace of mind includes not only after we’ve left our childhood environments.