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FACE TO FACE | EASTERN HORIZON 23

I think that type of indirect speech is even worse. It understand another’s feelings and moods. It is not
masquerades as harmless support for a cause (and, the right time to speak if our words could be difficult
consequently, a stand against one) and seduces for the hearer.
you into thinking what you’re doing is not divisive,
but informative. It is a type of speech that divides We may need to have a serious conversation with a
people. And, as much as I benefit and enjoy the friend about our relationship. It might be something
Internet and social media, those channels can be important we believe will help improve the harmony
particularly conducive to participating in acts of in our relationship. We intend to speak with
mindless divisiveness. gentleness and loving kindness, but if our friend is
sick or has had a bad day or week, then it’s not the
• Is it spoken with good-will and kindness? right time to add to their problems, even if we can’t

The main thing emphasized about this guideline wait to get it off our mind.
is this: “is it kind?” But there is a deeper practice
implied and that is the practice of metta or loving- • Refrain from idle talk; practice meaningful
kindness. This is a mindfulness practice. If we can speech.
remember and practice a focus on loving-kindness It’s important to make sure what you’re saying has
in our heart-mind, it will automatically temper our relevance to you or the person you’re speaking
speech with consideration for others’ feelings. to. That automatically disqualifies talk about
celebrities, the problems of political figures, the
• Is it gentle? private life of a sports star, or how much weight a
What is gentle speech? It is refraining from harsh, mutual friend gained.
critical, judgmental, impatient, and sarcastic speech.
And, most importantly, reflecting on words you use I would add another guideline: Talk only from a
that could offend or make others feel uncomfortable. sense of purpose—speak when there is a purpose for
It’s often impulsive and, so, the antidote for this you to speak. If it can help someone, or they need to
kind of speech is patience. The Buddha teaches know, and it won’t hurt them, that is right speech. The
us to speak in a way that is “soothing to the ear, Buddha said “If he is called to tell what he knows, he
affectionate, goes to the heart, is polite, likable, and answers if he knows nothing: ‘I know nothing.’ And if
agreeable to the people”. he knows, he answers, ‘I know.’”

I have another confession to make: In the past I Right Speech doesn’t mean staying silent when
have used non-gentle speech. I’ve gotten much something is wrong — it’s about speaking in a way
better, though, by focusing on not doing this; by that builds understanding and reduces harm. In
being mindful. It’s hard to find anyone that doesn’t situations of conflict or injustice, how do we discern
occasionally utter a “bad” word. There are lots of when and how to speak out skillfully?
them and, in our current culture, the use of those
words seems to be a part of the common vernacular. Being truthful is a lot more difficult than not telling a lie.
And sometimes it’s wisest to stay silent, rather than engage
Think about it the next time you’re tempted to use a in idle chatter. But you can also commit lies and act in ways
word that can be perceived as offensive. Is it really that don’t bring people together, by not speaking. Silence
what you want to say? Listen to your speech and mark isn’t always wise speech, especially in the face of injustice.
the words that find their way into your vocabulary. Sometimes staying silent is wrong speech because it
gives others the wrong impression. We purposely give
Is it timely? (Meaning, even if the speech is true people impressions, leaving words out to have a certain
and beneficial, is the time right to say it?) effect. I know I sometimes manipulate impressions. I
pretend to understand what someone is explaining to me
Timeliness is trickier to determine. It takes a patient when I’m hopelessly confused and just want to stop the
attitude of loving kindness to observe and try to conversation. What’s the harm? My intention is good.