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FEATURES | EASTERN HORIZON 51
Teresa Shimogawa is a writer,
and minister’s assistant at Finding the Dharma
Orange County Buddhist Church. By Teresa Shomogawa
As a veteran civics teacher at
a public high school, her day
job is teaching students that After a year of distance learning have had me ugly crying in the
democracy is a verb. She says during the global pandemic, we shower at night from the shame
her greatest accomplishment returned to regular, in-person of not having my children’s father
is raising three children on her school. On the first day, I posed there to share in this moment. For
own, choosing joy after the loss with my three children in front days, weeks, months, and even years
of the mascot for our traditional
after my husband unexpectedly
of her husband.
back-to-school photo. The previous passed away, whenever I would
Teresa Shimogawa shares how school year had been a tedious soul- show up to places with intact
she found her way to Buddhism draining year full of unknowns and families and the kind of normalcy
after the death of her husband stress. But, we were healthy. We I would never have again, I felt
and how it became a flotation were still here. We were eager and irreparably broken. I hated that I
had been such a planner throughout
ready for this next chapter, albeit
device to save her from drowning nervous. I posted the picture on my life — planning each child down
in despair. social media. Somebody commented, to the day — only to find myself
“You always look happy.” raising a family alone. I struggled to
understand why the universe had
What a compliment. It felt better
dealt me these cards.
than you look like “you look
like you lost weight” or “you I was so jaded that I refused to chant
look so pretty,” all of the usual or bow whenever I attended service.
compliments that would stroke my I liked Buddhism, but I wasn’t going
ego. But how could I look happy? I to call myself a Buddhist.
felt like I had aged a hundred years
Weeks after my husband passed, I
during quarantine.
happened to read You Are Here by
There was a time in my life when a Thich Nhat Hanh. I actually started
simple back-to-school photo would the book this summer before,
