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FACE TO FACE | EASTERN HORIZON 39

a second arrow. My mindfulness as you say, a calm and equanimous stomach. Because the hungry
practice allows me to notice my state of mind. ghost’s mouth and neck are so
thoughts and judgments as they small, not enough food ever reaches
arise, let them go and return to the The key to creating a more calm its huge stomach. The hungry
object of my meditation. When I and equanimous state of mind is to ghost is always hungry. Because
am experiencing pain, I allow that remember that there is no “I”, and its arms and legs are so skinny, the
to be the object of my meditation. to not take things personally. We hungry ghost is unable to hold on
As thoughts and judgments arise, suffer when we believe in a solid to anything. Nothing can satisfy the
I notice them lightly and return to sense of “I.” This is the fundamental hungry ghost.
the direct experience of pain. When tenet of the first of the Four Noble
I work with my pain directly in Truths in Buddhism. Developing an We are rarely satisfied with who we
this way, I am fully in the present understanding of this First Noble are and what we have accomplished.
moment. My thoughts, judgments Truth is the key to the experience As a result, humans are in perpetual
and resistance are gone, and so of freedom and ease. Not taking motion, seeking fulfillment and
is the suffering that I have added things personally may take practice, satisfaction outside of ourselves,
to the pain with those thoughts, patience and mindfulness in order but never finding it until we realize
judgments and resistance. In that to let go of our need to be right or that we are whole and complete
present moment, I am liberated defend our position. The result is as we are. This doesn’t mean that
from my suffering. a more kind and compassionate we shouldn’t try to achieve goals
relationship, both with ourselves that bring us satisfaction and, more
Many times, our mental suffering and with others. importantly, bring benefit to others.
arise because of too much self- For myself, that entailed a major
criticism. How do we balance It is common for us to think that shift, first leaving a high paying
too much of self-criticism and the “grass is always greener the job as a corporate entertainment
self-praise so that we can adopt a other side.” How do we navigate lawyer to work with musicians,
more equanimous mind state? between being contented with often for free, and then changing
what we have, and a couldn’t care careers entirely, becoming a
The Buddhist path is all about the less attitude of not even wanting Buddhist psychotherapist in my
“middle way.” When Shakyamuni to improve or try to be better? early 50s. I get the most satisfaction
Buddha was asked how to meditate, from sharing the wisdom I have
he responded “not too tight, not too The most common complaint I gained through my life experiences
loose, analogizing the experience hear from depressed clients in – including the many mistakes I
to tuning a lute – If the strings are my psychotherapy practice can be have made along the way.
too loose, the lute won’t play, and if summed up in two words: “Not
they are too tight, they will break. enough.” A common plight of human As a practicing Buddhist and a
The same can be applied to working beings is dissatisfaction, and may be psychotherapist what would you
with self-criticism and self-praise. expressed as “I’m not good enough”; say is the most important attitude
When we find ourselves in a state “My partner isn’t good enough”; “My we should cultivate if we wish for
of self-criticism, we can go to the job isn’t good enough” … and the list well-being and happiness in life?
opposite extreme of self-praise. goes on and on. An attitude of gratitude and
The key is to find a middle way, appreciation for all is the most
where we are kind to ourselves From a Buddhist perspective, the important attitude for cultivating
without going overboard in the poverty mentality of “not enough” is well-being and happiness. I often
other direction to self-praise. That depicted as a hungry ghost, a being suggest that clients write down
middle way opens us to a sense of with a tiny mouth, skinny neck, every day five things they are
spaciousness and gentleness, and arms and legs, and an enormous grateful for that happened that day.