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FACE TO FACE | EASTERN HORIZON 37

of us, and a reminder of all beings’ that he was able to get in touch with connection with others and the
inherent Buddha Nature; the the suffering of all beings, including human condition.
Dharma that teaches us how to live his own. Without the knowledge
well, navigate life’s challenges and and experience of suffering, I reflect on impermanence – birth,
be of benefit to all beings; and the enlightenment is not possible. old age, sickness and death -- daily,
Sangha as a supportive community reminding myself that what is born
of fellow travelers on the Buddhist Each life transition, and the will die – moment by moment.
path. inevitable changes in life, is also a Contemplating impermanence
grief process. Even positive changes gives me the impetus to live my life
The Buddha advised us to reflect can come with a sense of grief – we as well as possible, with kindness
daily on birth, old age, sickness are letting go of something to attain toward myself and all beings, so that
and death. How can this lead to something more beneficial. For those moments will be good ones.
happiness and well-being – won’t example, when I have worked work
we become negative towards the with people with addictions, I work In your e-book Love without
beauty of life? with it them with my lens as a grief Limit: Reflections of a Buddhist

counselor. People with addictions Psychotherapist, you mentioned
To me, it is just the opposite: need to say goodbye to the habits, that happiness is already
Knowing that everything ends, friends and lifestyle they have had within each of us, just waiting
moment by moment, inspires me in order to have a healthier one. to be discovered. What is this
to appreciate the beauty of life. For happiness that the Buddha
example, it is now Autumn where As a grief counselor, I have come to is referring to, and how is it
I live in the Pacific Northwest. It is realize that allowing ourselves to different or similar to our usual
such a poignant time of year. The deeply feel our grief opens us to its understanding of happiness?
brilliant leaves and the crisp, clear universality. Grief counselors are
air remind me that those brilliant fond of working with grief models, This questions brings to mind a
leaves will soon fall and the clear like the five stages of grief espoused classic American country song,
crisp air will turn to a season of by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. I have “Looking for Love in All the Wrong
cold and rain. Actually, change is come up with my own model of Places.” Humans tend to look
the good news! If things didn’t working through grief: We start out for happiness by collecting more
change, we’d be stuck in a rut, and asking “Why me?”, then “Why not possessions, seeking praise and love
there would be no opportunity to me?” and then “Yes, everyone.” from others and attaining wealth,
transform our lives. thinking these external things will
Through allowing ourselves to bring us true happiness. However,
Reflecting on birth, old age, fully experience our grief and the “happiness” we get from these
sickness and death connects us to express our suffering regarding external things is fleeting at best.
The Four Noble Truths, Buddha’s birth, old age, sickness and death, True happiness comes from the only
first teaching after he attained we can see that there is a way thing that lasts, that is, our heart of
enlightenment under the Bodhi out of that suffering, through kindness, our Buddha Nature.
tree in India. As a young, sheltered working with it as a fact of life,
and wealthy young man, Prince and finding a meaningful way to The Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh
Siddhartha had no understanding grow, transforming hopelessness has said “The present moment is
of the truth of suffering that comes into hope and possibility. Through full of joy and happiness. If you
with birth, old age, sickness and experiencing our own unique grief, are attentive, you will see it.” Each
death, let alone their inevitability. It we can tap into its universality, moment is perfect just as it is. The
was only when he left the palace and lessening our hopelessness and problem is that we often live in the
went on his journey to find the Truth isolation, and deepening our past, dwelling on regrets, or in the