Page 408 - Deception at work all chapters EBook

Golf and the Cunning Plan 409

Never be astonished that the police are not interested in your complaints
Many are too busy playing golf

As you know, you must always analyse the background of the case or ‘matters in issue’
and in golfing terms, this means knowing the course backwards. We will return to this point
later.

Deception theory

As always, you should work out what the opponent has done or is likely to do: perhaps he has a
cunning plan of his own. So think about his objectives and how he might achieve them both
honestly and dishonestly. Maybe he is a subordinate or vendor and is so ignorant that he does
not understand the unwritten protocol and will actually try and beat you. Just what is he up
to? Why did he ask you to play? What are his ulterior motives? Are you walking into a trap?

A little paranoia does no harm

Resolution plan and specific planning

BASIC STUFF

In golf these two steps can be rolled into one and they are very important. If the opponent is an
Oran Utang who hits the ball miles further than you, arrange to play him from the front tees
on a short course with lots of bunkers, water and rough. If he pitty-pats the ball like a big fairy,2
get him off the championship tees on a really long course and preferably on a wet, windy day.
If he wears a hairpiece, the windier the day the better. If he suffers from hay fever, play him
on a hot sunny day or if he is arthritic choose a cold winter’s morning. Games with opponents
who have dodgy eyesight should be played in the late evening, preferably in the rain.

Get the basics right

If your opponent works nights or has a young baby, fix the game for 6.30 am or earlier and
phone him around 2.00 am to make sure he has not forgotten.

Timing and venue are important

If your opponent likes alcohol, arrange to meet him for lunch before the game and try and
get him pickled, while remaining abstemious yourself. By getting to the bar first you can tip
the steward to serve you straight tonics while your opponent thinks you are hitting the gin.
It is a great advantage if you can arrive on the first tee stone cold sober and your opponent
legless and disorientated.

Plan to get immediate control

2 This is a golfing technical term