Page 102 - Essentials of Human Communication

Disconfirmation and Confirmation 81

And, interestingly enough, in some cultures homosexual relationships are illegal for men but
legal for women (for example, in Palau, Cook Islands, Tonga, and Guyana).
Heterosexist speech includes derogatory terms used for lesbians and gay men. For
example, surveys in the military showed that 80 percent of those surveyed had heard “offen-
sive speech, derogatory names, jokes or remarks about gays” and that 85 percent believed that
such derogatory speech was “tolerated” (New York Times, March 25, 2000, p. A12). You also
see heterosexism in more subtle forms of language usage; for example, someone who qualifies
a person’s profession with “gay” or “lesbian”—as in “gay athlete” or “lesbian doctor”—says in
effect that athletes and doctors are not normally gay or lesbian.
Still another instance of heterosexism is the presumption of heterosexuality. Usually,
people assume the person they’re talking to or about is heterosexual. And usually they’re
correct, because most people are heterosexual. At the same time, however, this presumption
denies the legitimacy of a lesbian or gay identity. This practice is very similar to the social
presumptions of whiteness and maleness that we have taken significant steps toward elimi-
nating. Here are a few additional suggestions for avoiding heterosexist (or what some call
homophobic) speech:
● Avoid offensive nonverbal mannerisms that parody stereotypes when talking about gay
men and lesbians. Avoid the “startle eyeblink” with which some people react to gay
couples (Mahaffey, Bryan, & Hutchison, 2005).
● Avoid “complimenting” gay men and lesbians by saying that they “don’t look it.” This is
not a compliment.
● Avoid making the assumption that every gay or lesbian knows what every other
gay or lesbian is thinking. It’s very similar to asking a Japanese person why Sony
is investing heavily in the United States or, as one comic put it, asking an African Communication
Choice point
American, “What do you think Jesse Jackson meant by that last speech?”
● Avoid denying individual differences. Comments such as “Lesbians are so loyal” Homophobia
You’re bringing your college
or “Gay men are so open with their feelings” ignore the reality of wide differ- roommate home for the holidays. She’s an
ences within any group and are potentially insulting to all groups. outspoken lesbian, but your family is rather
● Avoid overattribution—the tendency to attribute almost everything a person homophobic. You want to prepare your
does, says, and believes to the fact that the person is gay or lesbian. This ten- family and your roommate for their holiday
dency helps to activate and perpetuate stereotypes. get-together. What are some things you might
say to prepare your roommate and your family
● Remember that relationship milestones are important to all people. Ignoring anni- for what probably will be a bumpy weekend?
versaries or, say, the birthday of a relative’s partner is bound to cause resentment.

ageist sPeeCH
Although used mainly to refer to prejudice against older people, the term ageism can refer to
prejudice against people of other age groups also. For example, if you describe all teenagers as
selfish and undependable, you’re discriminating against a group
purely because of their age and thus are ageist in your statements. In
some cultures—some Asian and African cultures, for example—the
old are revered and respected. Younger people seek out elders for ad-
vice on economic, ethical, and relationship issues.
Individual ageism can be seen, for example, in the general disre-
spect many people exhibit toward older people and in negative age-
based stereotypes. Institutional ageism can be seen in mandatory
retirement laws and age restrictions in certain occupations (rather
than restrictions based on demonstrated competence). In less obvious
forms ageism emerges in the media’s portrayal of old people as
incompetent, complaining, and, as evidenced perhaps most clearly in
both television and films, lacking romantic feelings. Rarely, for exam-
ple, do television shows or films show older people working produc-
tively, being cooperative and pleasant, and engaging in romantic and
sexual relationships.