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Disconfirmation and Confirmation 79

Skill DeVelopMent experienCe

Constructing Confirming, rejecting, and Disconfirming responses

For each situation below (a) write a confirming, a rejecting, and a disconfirming response, and (b) indicate what
effects each type of response is likely to generate.
1. Angel receives this semester’s grades in the mail; they’re a lot better than previous semesters’ grades but
are still not great. After opening the letter, Angel says: I really tried hard to get my grades up this semester.
Angel’s parents respond:
With confirmation:
With rejection: Although each type of
With disconfirmation: response serves a
2. Carrie’s boyfriend of seven years left her and married another woman. Carrie confides this to Samantha, different purpose,
who responds: confirming responses
With confirmation: seem most likely to
With rejection: promote communication
With disconfirmation: satisfaction.

Note that rejection is not the same as disconfirmation. In rejection, you disagree with
the person; you indicate your unwillingness to accept something the other person says or
does. However, you do not deny that person’s significance.
Confirmation is the opposite of disconfirmation. In confirmation you not only acknowl-
edge the presence of the other person but also indicate your acceptance of this person, of this
person’s self-definition, and of your relationship as defined or viewed by this other person.
Disconfirmation and confirmation may be communicated in a wide variety of ways. Table 4.2
shows a few examples.

TABLE 4.2 Confirmation and Disconfirmation
This table identifies some specific confirming and disconfirming messages. As you review this information, try to imagine
a specific illustration for each of the ways you might communicate disconfirmation and confirmation (Pearson, 1993;
Galvin, Bylund, & Brommel, 2012).

Disconfirmation Confirmation
Ignore the presence or contributions of the other person; ex- Acknowledge the presence and the contributions of the other
press indifference to what the other person says. person by interacting with what he or she says.

Make no nonverbal contact; avoid direct eye contact; avoid Make nonverbal contact by maintaining direct eye contact
touching and general nonverbal closeness. and, when appropriate, touching, hugging, kissing, and other-
wise demonstrating acknowledgment of the other person.

Monologue; engage in communication in which one person Dialogue; engage in communication in which both persons are
speaks and one person listens; there is no real interaction; there speakers and listeners; both are involved; both are concerned
is no real concern or respect for each other. with and have respect for each other.

Jump to interpretation or evaluation rather than working at Demonstrate understanding of what the other person says
understanding what the other person means. and means and reflect your understanding in what you say, or
when in doubt ask questions.

Discourage, interrupt or otherwise make it difficult for the Encourage the other person to express his or her thoughts and
other person to express himself or herself. feelings by showing interest and asking questions.
Avoid responding, or respond tangentially by acknowledging Respond directly and exclusively to what the other person
the other person’s comment but shifting the focus of the mes- says.
sage in another direction.