Page 96 - Essentials of Human Communication

Principles of Verbal Messages 75

For example, on faculty evaluation questionnaires and on online ratings websites, the ratings
and the comments are published anonymously.
The Internet has made anonymity extremely easy and there are currently a variety of
websites that offer to send your e-mails to your boss, your ex-partner, your secret crush, your
noisy neighbors, or your inadequate lawyer—all anonymously. Thus, your message gets sent
but you are not identified with it. For good or ill, you don’t have to deal with the consequences
of your message.
One obvious advantage of anonymity is that it allows people to voice opinions that may
be unpopular and may thus encourage greater honesty. In the case of ratings websites, for
example, anonymity ensures that the student writing negative comments about an
instructor will not be penalized. An anonymous e-mail to a sexual partner informing him or
her about your having an STD and suggesting testing and treatment might never get said in a
face-to-face or phone conversation. The presumption is that anonymity encourages honesty
and openness.
Anonymity also enables people to disclose their inner feelings, fears, hopes, and dreams
with a depth of feeling that they may be otherwise reluctant to do. A variety of websites which
enable you to maintain anonymity are available for these purposes. And in these cases, not
only are you anonymous but the people who read your messages are also anonymous, a situa-
tion that is likely to encourage a greater willingness to disclosure and to make disclosures at a
deeper level than otherwise.
An obvious disadvantage is that anonymity might encourage people to go to extremes—
since there are no consequences to the message—to voice opinions that are outrageous. This
in turn can easily spark conflict that is likely to prove largely unproductive. With anonymous
messages, you can’t evaluate the credibility of the source. Advice on depression, for example,
may come from someone who knows nothing about depression and may make useless
recommendations.

Messages vary in assertiveness
Assertiveness refers to a willingness to stand up for your rights but with respect for the rights
of others. Before reading any further take the accompanying self-test, How Assertive Are Watch the Video
Your Messages? Assertive people operate with an “I win, you win” philosophy; they assume “Hey Roomie” at
that both parties can gain something from an interaction, even from a confrontation. Asser- MyCommunicationLab
tive people are more positive and score lower on measures of hopelessness than do nonassert-
ive people (Velting, 1999). Assertive people are willing to assert their own rights, but unlike
their aggressive counterparts, they don’t hurt others in the process. Assertive people speak
their minds and welcome others’ doing likewise.

Skill DeVelopMent experienCe

using assertiveness Strategies
For any one of the following situations, compose (a) an aggressive, (b) a nonassertive, and (c) an assertive
response. Then, in one sentence, explain why your message of assertiveness will be more effective than the
aggressive or nonassertive message.
1. You’ve just redecorated your apartment, making it exactly as you want it. A good friend of yours brings
you a house gift—the ugliest poster you’ve ever seen—and insists that you hang it over your fireplace,
the focal point of your living room. Assertiveness is the most
2. Your friend borrows $30 and promises to pay you back tomorrow. But tomorrow passes, as do 20 subse-
quent tomorrows. You know that your friend has not forgotten about the debt, and you also know that direct and honest
your friend has more than enough money to pay you back. response in situations
3. Your next-door neighbor repeatedly asks you to take care of her four-year-old while she runs some errand such as these. Usually it’s
or another. You don’t mind helping out in an emergency, but this occurs almost every day. also the most effective.